The Vs. Studio Blog

default setting: (noun)

(1) a setting that is automatically given to a software application, computer program or device

(2) the way in which someone normally behaves and reacts

What’s your default state? (Or default setting.)

For many, it’s fear or pessimism.  Some of that’s wiring. As not so long ago (about 10,000 years), being devoured by a sabre-tooth tiger was still a real threat. Fear served us well then.

And the media does a phenomenal job of preying (pun intended) on that primal fear.

But what happens if we choose courage or optimism as our default state?

How would we feel?

How would we treat each other?

How would we respond to another person’s behavior?

How would we view and then react to the external events (of which we have no control) that occur?

What changes would we make?

What could we accomplish?

If pessimism is your default state, try switching to optimism. Do it for a day. Or a week. See what happens. (I promise, no sabre-tooth tigers will get you.)

Wanting to do some good, but not sure where to start?

Here’s something…

Think of a person or organization you care about.

Get out a pen and paper.

Write them a note of gratitude.

Mail your note.

That seemingly small gesture has tremendous impact.

P.S. – While a text or email technically communicates your message, the fact that you took time to handwrite a note, acquire the address, buy a stamp and mail it to them, says everything.

“We need very strong ears to hear ourselves judged frankly, and because there are few who can endure frank criticism without being stung by it, those who venture to criticize us perform a remarkable act of friendship, for to undertake to wound or offend a man for his own good is to have a healthy love for him.” – Michel de Montaigne

“He has a right to criticize, who has a heart to help.” – Abraham Lincoln

“Don’t criticize what you don’t understand, son. You never walked in that man’s shoes.” – Elvis Presley

t’s easy to compliment.  It’s hard to criticize. 

But there are times when the people or organizations we love the most veer off course. They need us. And it’s because we love them, that when they stray, we’re courageous enough to help get them back on track. (Think of a parent and child.)

To criticize properly, first, empathize. Try and walk a mile in their shoes.

Second, see them. Clearly and openly. Understand what THEY’RE going for. Not what you wish they were after…“I see YOU and the project or change you’re trying to make.”

Third, be enthusiastic! Offer encouragement.

Last, be generous with your time…“Let’s together figure out how we can get back on track. How we can make this work the absolute best it can be.”

If you can’t do the above things and aren’t coming from love, then you’re not ready to criticize. Best to wait and remain silent for now.

And if you find yourself on the receiving end of someone’s criticism, no matter what, first assume positive intent. That will help you listen and not immediately get defensive.

“People do not decide to become extraordinary. They decide to accomplish extraordinary things.” -Edmund Hillary

When you aim to do something special or extraordinary, you never have to worry if there’s a market or audience for your work.

Rest assured, there is.

There always will be.

The only way to know if you’re “there yet” is to DO something.

Whatever you’re thinking about (writing that script, starting that business, making that change, etc.)…DO it.

Once it’s done, then you can evaluate its merits. Whether it lived up to the initial idea. See if you need to iterate.

Otherwise, it will all just stay noise in your head.

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” -Lao-Tzu

“All great spirituality teaches about letting go of what you don’t need and who you are not. Then, when you can get little enough and naked enough and poor enough, you’ll find that the little place where you really are is ironically more than enough and is all that you need. At that place, you will have nothing to prove to anybody and nothing to protect.” -Richard Rohr

Let go of “what it should be” or “who you should be” or “where you should be” or any of those thoughts. Those are just stories you tell yourself. They don’t serve you or your art.

When you truly let go, you will discover who you really are. And what the work really wants to be.

Put another way…

You got to drop it to find it. (It was always there.)

You gotta lose yourself to find yourself. (You were always there too. Hiding in plain sight.)

Energy and enthusiasm spur you on to make big plans and dreams. (And maybe a good strong cup of coffee.)

Discipline, devotion, accountability partners and having good systems (and maybe a good strong cup of coffee as well) enable you to follow through on all those plans when energy and enthusiasm are low or nonexistent.

Be more proud of yourself when the day goes to shit and you still manage to get something done towards your dream as you are when everything lines up perfectly and you’re a productivity superstar.

What you do even when forces seem to conspire against, is what ultimately will define you.

the flesh covers the bone 
and they put a mind 
in there and 
sometimes a soul, 
and the women break 
vases against the walls 
and the men drink too 
much 
and nobody finds the 
one 
but keep 
looking 
crawling in and out 
of beds. 
flesh covers 
the bone and the 
flesh searches 
for more than 
flesh. 

there’s no chance 
at all: 
we are all trapped 
by a singular 
fate. 

nobody ever finds 
the one. 

the city dumps fill 
the junkyards fill 
the madhouses fill 
the hospitals fill 
the graveyards fill 

nothing else 
fills.

-poem, “Alone With Everybody” by Charles Bukowski

“In the West there is a loneliness, which I call the leprosy of the West. In many ways, it is worse than our poor in Calcutta…We can cure physical diseases with medicine, but the only cure for loneliness, despair, and hopelessness is love. There are many in the world who are dying for a piece of bread but there are many more dying for a little love.” -Mother Teresa

“Our epidemic of loneliness and isolation has been an underappreciated public health crisis that has harmed individual and societal health. Our relationships are a source of healing and well-being hiding in plain sight – one that can help us live healthier, more fulfilled, and more productive lives. Given the significant health consequences of loneliness and isolation, we must prioritize building social connection the same way we have prioritized other critical public health issues such as tobacco, obesity, and substance use disorders. Together, we can build a country that’s healthier, more resilient, less lonely, and more connected.” -U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy Dept of Health & Human Services Press Release; May 3, 2023

We have an epidemic of loneliness.

Let’s cure it.

How?

Today and every day, let us do whatever we can to help people feel a little less alone.

Reach out to them.

Make that phone call.

Have that coffee.

Schedule that visit. (Or even, just stop by.)

Those seemingly small things go a LONG way.

And for those artists who have something to say and a deep desire to express it, please go make your art.

Because when you do and we experience your art, we’re the better for it. Your art brings us together. Connects us. Fills our hearts. Weaves us together. We realize we’re not alone. Other people think and feel that way too. Aha! Eureka!!

All ya can do is do what you must
You do what you must do and ya do it well -Bob Dylan, song “Buckets Of Rain”

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” -Teddy Roosevelt

“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.” -Arthur Ashe

All you can do is what you can do. Right here. Right now. Nothing more. Nothing less. Feel good about that. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Former NBA player and author Paul Shirley in his excellent book The Process Is The Product writes about being intimidated by other people’s stated workout routines or study habits. He tried to emulate these routines and when he fell short, he felt less than.

That is, until he found out that those purported routines and habits were bullshit. No one was doing what they said they were doing. They were just insecure and concocted a story to make themselves feel better.

He writes in the book…

And I’d like to say that the truth hit me at one of these moments, but it didn’t come to me so suddenly. I needed more evidence. Like, the next five years’ worth of evidence—five years that saw me go from college basketball walk-on to future NBA basketball player while also managing a degree in mechanical engineering.

Here’s what I figured out:

Those guys who’d come to talk to us at those basketball camps back in Kansas? They hadn’t been shooting a thousand shots a day. That strength coach who’d sent me that workout? He didn’t think anyone would actually do it. That dude who told us how much we were going to have to study at freshman orientation? He wasn’t spending 32 hours in the library every week. More important: no one was shooting a thousand shots or finishing torture workouts or studying for 32 hours every week. Or, honestly, doing anything they said they were doing.

So what was going on here? Why had all these people done this? Were they straight-up liars?

Kind of, but not really.

These people had told themselves the same story. In this story, they were the almighty, accomplished heroes. They were special, different, unique, and they wanted us to know it. They didn’t necessarily do this to scare us, although that might have been part of it. They did it because they were insecure about their place in the world. They needed to believe they’d done something other people couldn’t.

And you know what?

Fuck those guys.

Here’s what I’d like to tell that kid in Kansas—the one with the big dreams about far-flung places:

To accomplish what you’d like to accomplish, you don’t need to be special or talented. You don’t need to take expensive classes or hire fancy coaches. You don’t need to quit jobs or go on expensive sabbaticals. You don’t need to shoot a thousand shots or study 32 hours or lift everything in the weight room. Instead, keep those big dreams. Figure out a path to those dreams. Then fall in love with that path, committing to it so fully that you forget what your dreams even were.

And that, my young friend, is exactly when those dreams will come true.

You do you.

Just do the best you can today, and tomorrow and the day after that. Keep evaluating your progress. Keep learning from the feedback that life gives you. Keep iterating your process. Because it’s all process.

Believe in yourself.

Drip by drip.

Day after day.

You’ll make it happen.