Unexpected and Unconditional Love

A Part Two to yesterday’s post and a little origin story of how Sawyer came to the Clark household…

We rescued Sawyer from a kennel. He was originally bred to be a show dog for an overseas owner in Japan. During Covid, when all the dog shows were cancelled, the owner called the kennel and decided he no longer wanted Sawyer. As he had no use for him. The kennel was also closing down and the kennel owner didn’t know what to do with this dog. After talking with the kennel owner and learning all this, my wife Amy and I drove down (a few hours away) the next day. We were prepared to take Sawyer on the spot and have him become part of our family. Our kids were beyond excited.

The kennel owner informed us that Sawyer was “afraid of males.” I thought he meant other male dogs, but when we got home, Sawyer immediately clung to Amy’s side. He was afraid of me and our boys. (Apparently the training for show dogs is very rough and not kind.)

I realized that unlike other prior dogs we had, where the kids could play with and the dogs would love on them and vice versa, Sawyer was different. Every time me or the boys went to pet him, Sawyer would flee towards Amy. I realized we had to switch our mindset. This would have to be total and unconditional love. It was our duty to just be kind and take care of Sawyer with no expectation of reciprocity.

This went on for years.

Eventually (after lots of love and walks and lots and lots of treats), Sawyer softened. He’d let us hug him and pet him (reluctantly I’m sure) and he learned to trust us. (He still of course was Amy’s numero uno and followed her around like a shadow.)

All this to say that Sawyer taught us true unconditional love. And that is a lesson we will remember for the rest of our lives.

Pets are remarkable, aren’t they? What a gift. What a blessing.

Thank you Sawyer. We love you and we miss you so much.

The Full Spectrum Of Emotion

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” -C.S. Lewis

I wish it were otherwise, but you don’t get to feel all that love and joy and happiness without experiencing the sadness and grief and pain. You have to experience the full spectrum of emotion.

That’s the cost of opening your heart.

But I’ll pay that price every single time.

P.S. – R.I.P. dear Sawyer. We’ll miss you buddy so much. Thank you for all the love and joy and incredible memories you gave to our family.

Who Cares?

“A Hard Day’s Night took less than 15 hours from idea to finished record. More Than a Feeling, from Tom Scholz and Boston, took five years. Each pleased their audiences. One is not 1,500 times more valuable than the other.

Sometimes, work that requires effort leads to scarcity, and that scarcity can increase its value. But not always.

And just because we put in effort does not mean we deserve the audience to reciprocate with a similar amount. Seven years to write a Ph.D. thesis but a professor on the committee might spend an hour reading it. The student’s effort is not related to the committee’s.

The mythology of creation seems to beg us to calculate the effort when computing the value. But in practice, buyers rarely do.

If the creation is what the audience needs or wants, it actually doesn’t matter how hard it was to create, or who or what created it.” -Seth Godin

“When you’re a carpenter making a beautiful chest of drawers, you’re not going to use a piece of plywood on the back, even though it faces the wall and nobody will ever see it. You’ll know it’s there, so you’re going to use a beautiful piece of wood on the back. For you to sleep well at night, the aesthetic, the quality, has to be carried all the way through.” -Steve Jobs

“Hard work guarantees you nothing, but without it you don’t stand a chance.” -Pat Riley

Nobody cares how hard you worked on the thing you made. It’s not their job to care.

They only care about the thing you made.

But you, the creator, should very much care. You owe it to them and to yourself.

If not, why even do it in the first place?

Everything Is An Audition

“Everything is an audition…One of the biggest mistakes I see people make is they are too short-sighted…When I’m trying to build something, I pretend it’s an audition for a bigger stage.” -Turney Duff

“The Master gives himself up to whatever the moment brings. He knows that he is going to die, and he has nothing left to hold on to: no illusions in his mind, no resistances in his body. He doesn’t think about his actions; they flow from the core of his being. He holds nothing back from life; therefore he is ready for death, as a man is ready for sleep after a good day’s work.” -Verse 50, Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu (Stephen Mitchell translation)

No matter how last minute, the actor will move heaven and earth to prepare for and make an audition appointment. Especially if it’s for a project they care about. Suddenly all tasks become secondary and in that time, nothing is more important. Talk about focus!

Imagine if you treated everything in life that way? If everything was an audition? At the very least, what about just showing up and being present in every moment and every encounter with another person?

Your whole life will change if you do.

P.S. – This fantastic IG post from my friend Turney.

Hypocrite

“An actor puts on a mask and knows they are acting. But the hypocrite puts one on without even feeling that it is there.” -Unknown

“Actors are the only honest hypocrites.” -William Hazlitt

“Hypocrisy is the most difficult and nerve-racking vice that any man can pursue; it needs an unceasing vigilance and a rare detachment of spirit. It cannot, like adultery or gluttony, be practiced at spare moments; it is a whole-time job.” -W. Somerset Maugham

The word “hypocrite” comes from the ancient Greek word hypokrites, which literally means “an actor” or “a stage player”. Over time, the word moved from describing someone performing on a stage to someone wearing a figurative mask in real life. Someone pretending to be good, moral, or different than they truly are.

Here’s the thing…Even if you could actually win friends and gain influence and power and be loved by pretending to be someone else other than who you really are, would you want to? How exhausting to have to go through life that way.

Keep it real. Save the hypocrisy for the stage.

Simple Acts Of Love

“Miss no single opportunity of making some small sacrifice, here by a smiling look, there by a kindly word; always doing the smallest right and doing it all for love.” -St. Therese of Lisieux

“Thinking about yourself is indistinguishable from suffering. Self consciousness is literally a facet of trait neuroticism.” -Jordan Peterson

If you feel lost and have no idea what to do, then start by performing simple acts of love.

A smile, a kind word, an encouraging note, a random act of generosity, a silent prayer for a stranger, etc…All these things get the focus off yourself and on to someone else. Which will then start to produce joy in you. And when you have joy, you will have clarity about what you should do next. (Chances are, that will be thinking about how to help someone else.)

The Cure For Entitlement

“Don’t demand that things happen as you wish, but wish that they happen as they do happen, and you will go on well….Never say about anything, ‘I have lost it,’ but say, ‘I have given it back.” -Epictetus, Enchiridion

“What do you possess that you have not received?” -1 Corinthians 4:7

“It is not your fault, but it is your responsibility.” -Mark Manson

“Life is entrusted to [a person] as a treasure which must not be squandered, as a talent which must be used well.” -St. John Paul II

There are two other remedies for entitlement:

(1) Gratitude…To look around and truly see everything that’s been given to you. To look at all of life, including periods of suffering, as an immense gift.

(2) Responsibility…What’s been entrusted to you? Your family, your friends, your community, your job, your health, etc…Accept these responsibilities and work at them with all your heart.

Oh and one more thing…remind yourself constantly that you are owed nothing. If you find yourself looking around and feeling slighted or overlooked or that you deserve something, stop. You’re not.

On Point

“Every play you do is a rehearsal for the next play you do.” -Jefferson Mays

“So then learn to conquer your fear. This is the only art we have to master nowadays: to look at things without fear, and to fearlessly do right.” -Friedrich Durrenmatt

Fear not. Fret not.

You’re exactly in the right point you’re supposed to be.

Everything you did before led you to this point.

Everything you do now will lead you to the next point.

Which will also be the exact right point you’re supposed to be.

P.S. – Speaking of being on point…go see The Visit at Pasadena Playhouse. It’s a first-rate production. Jefferson Mays (in my opinion, one of the finest stage actors in the world), Melinda Page Hamilton and the rest of the ensemble are terrific.