“Grit is passion and perseverance for very long- term goals. Grit is having stamina. Grit is sticking with your future, day-in, day-out. Not just for the week, not just for the month, but for years. And working really hard to make that future a reality. Grit is living life like it’s a marathon, not a sprint.” -Angela Duckworth
Grit is a wonderful thing
But it’s also a finite resource.
Therefore, you must have goals that (a) truly energize you, (b) you actually think you can accomplish someday and (c) you can’t have too many at one time.
There’s a fantastic scene in the film Jay Kelly in which the character of Jay, a movie star (played by George Clooney), meets up with an old friend from acting class, Timothy (played by Billy Crudup). After reminiscing about old times including Jay telling Timothy that he was far and away the best actor in the class (“I could watch you do anything.”) the two have a confrontation in the parking lot. Timothy tells Jay “I can’t stand you. You kind of stole my life.” He wanted to be an actor, but Jay swooped in on an audition, got the part and the rest is history. Timothy gave up acting entirely, got married and is now a child therapist.
The scene got me thinking…why does being an artist (in this case, an actor) have to be a binary option? Either you “make it” in the business. Or you don’t, and have to quit.
Well, it’s not binary.
There’s a third option.
Which is…Have a job/career that pays the bills, doesn’t kill your soul, and in all your free time, make art.
That could be taking classes, doing play readings (Vs. does one every week), making short films or producing a play. Not to mention reading and seeing plays, and watching films.
Yes, the third option requires discipline and focus and sacrifice and commitment. And yes, you may never get paid a single dime for your art.
But no matter what, you can hang your head high knowing that you never gave up on your dream, your love, your art.
Even if your work wasn’t quite good enough to ship or you weren’t fully ready for the moment or you didn’t have all the necessary data to make the best possible decision, you still won’t regret going first.
Best case scenario?…Success. A positive outcome.
Worst case scenario?…Failure. A negative outcome…Kinda….Because you will gain an incredible and invaluable learning experience.
Waiting and watching while someone else goes first?…You get nothing. Nada. Zero. Zilch.
“They focus on the wrong things. There are a lot of aspiring comedians, for example, who aren’t funny or don’t have stage presence, but they have excellent websites. They have excellent websites and the shiniest business cards and their head shots are impeccable. And who gives a f-ck about those things? You know what I mean? They focus on the wrong things…
[On people who excel]…
“They focus on the work. I think that’s all it is: they focus on the work. On the content. On creating something of substance.” -Jerrod Carmichael when asked about common mistakes aspiring comedians make
“Good songs. Good songs. That’s it. That’s it. Good songs. I promise. A good song. Not songs that have all of the technical body parts. I mean good songs.” -John Mayer when asked how to market your music and get exposure
Notwithstanding that making a living in the arts is really f-ing hard and often not a meritocracy and that you need a lot of luck, etc…what if the reason you’re not where you want to be is because your work just isn’t quite good enough…
…Yet.
Don’t be disheartened by that.
Be inspired and empowered.
Because it means it’s within your control.
You could get there.
Keep at it. Keep working. Keep training. Keep growing.
And regardless if your efforts ever lead to monetary success, isn’t it awesome to know that there’s always another level you can get to? I mean, that’s the whole reason to do it anyway, right? For the pursuit of excellence…Otherwise, why are you doing it?
“None of us can help the things life has done to us. They’re done before you realize it, and once they’re done they make you do other things until at last everything comes between you and what you’d like to be, and you’ve lost your true self forever.” -Eugene O’Neill, Long Day’s Journey into Night
I recently heard Al Pacino on Rick Rubin’s excellent podcast declare that Jason Robards delivers the greatest performance he’s ever seen in Sidney Lumet’s film adaptation of Eugene O’Neil’s masterpiece, Long Day’s Journey Into Night.
I won’t argue with Mr. Pacino. Robards is spectacular. (Note: Brando in On The Waterfront would be my all-time pick.)
At one point while watching the film by myself, I audibly mouthed “Wow” in pure awe. Robards delivers perhaps the best drunk acting I’ve ever seen too. (My all-time favorite remains Jack Lemmon in The Days Of Wine And Roses but this is right up there.)
And Katherine Hebburn is pretty damn amazing in her own right.
Read the excerpt below from Lumet’s book “Making Movies”…
At the end of rehearsal [for Long Day’s Journey], just before shooting, I gathered the actors to tell them about my shooting system and habits and to find out if there was anything they needed during shooting that we could provide. At this session, I said to them, “And by the way, you’re all invited to rushes.”
As we were leaving, Kate called me aside. “Sidney,” she said,”I’ve gone to rushes of practically every picture I’ve ever made. But I won’t be coming to these rushes. I can see how you work. I know Boris [Kaufman’s] work. You’re both dead honest. You can’t protect me. If I go to rushes, all that I’ll see is this” — and she reached under her chin and pinched the slightly sagging flesh — “and this” — she did the same thing under her arms — “and I need all my strength and concentration just to play this part.”
Tears sprang to my eyes.
I’d never seen an actor with such self-knowledge and such dedication, trust, and bravery.
She was breaking habits of thirty years because she knew they would interfere with the job. That’s a giant.
I used to be such a sweet, sweet thing ‘Til they got a hold of me I opened doors for little old ladies I helped the blind to see No more Mr. Nice Guy No more Mr. Clean No more Mr. Nice Guy -lyrics from the song “No More Mr. Nice Guy” by Alice CooperI
If you suddenly feel like, “Okay world. No Mr. Mr Nice Guy. I’m gonna get mean and tough and whatever…Because nice guys always finish last…”
Just stop.
First of all, you’re probably not as nice as you think.
Second of all, what you really feel is that you’re too timid or you lack confidence or you’re trying to please everyone.
Okay, change that.
Be bold.
Be confident.
Trust yourself.
Go first.
And stop trying to please people. Because when you try to please others, you end up pleasing no one.
But stay nice. The world needs nice. Now more than ever. (And remember, being truly nice is a sign of confidence and strength. It means you’re comfortable and secure in your own skin that you can help others without caring if it benefits you.)
“It was rare for him, this kind of clarity. But here was a way to evaluate existence. Measure its success by the extent to which you have loved and been loved.” — A Marriage at Sea: A True Story of Love, Obsession, and Shipwreck by Sophie Elmhirst
“A smile and a handshake are, in the final resolution, a simple act of love…Each night when I retire, I pray that I have made at least one human being a little happier or a little wiser or at least a little more content with himself or herself.” -Og Mandino, The Greatest Salesman In The World, Pt 2
“I ask you to love me with same love with which I love you. But for me you cannot do this, for I love you without being loved…So you cannot give me the kind of love I ask of you. This is why I have put you among your neighbors: so that you can do for them what you cannot do for me–that is, love them without any concern for thanks and without looking for any profit for yourself. And whatever you do for them I will consider done for me.” -God the Father to Saint Catherine of Siena, The Dialogue
If you feel the need to keep score in how you’re doing in this game of life, then keep track of love. Especially how much you have loved others. As that scorecard is within your control.
“When I was young, I thought that nervousness and fear would disappear over time. But I realized that not only does it not disappear, it gets even worse. The only thing that changed is, now I accept it. I know it’s going to be there. I know how to deal with it. Now, with experience, I know I’m gonna be scared when the fight is coming; I know I’m not going to sleep well the week of the fight, but I accept it. [Early on in my career] I would freak out, sleeping only four hours the night before a fight. I put more pressure on myself, because I thought I wouldn’t be able to perform my best because of lack of sleep. But now I know it’s normal. I accept it. It’s a suffering process that I have to go through before a fight. But it’s still as bad as it was; the only difference is that I accept it now.” -former UFC champion Georges St-Pierre
Mastery and age don’t eliminate the nerves.
They just lead to your acceptance of them.
The nerves are a gift. They have energy. They signal that you care. They will always be there.
“When we’re daunted at the outset of a change, there is some comfort in knowing that the person who will undergo the full experience will be different from the person we are in this very moment. We will become new people on the other side of change, in ways we are capable of shaping.” -Maya Shankar, book The Other Side Of Change
“The only certainty is that nothing is certain.” -Pliny the Elder
“No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.” -Heraclitus
“We suffer more in imagination than in reality.” -Seneca
“For unless one is able to live fully in the present, the future is a hoax. There is no point whatever in making plans for a future which you will never be able to enjoy. When your plans mature, you will still be living for some other future beyond. You will never, never be able to sit back with full contentment and say, “Now, I’ve arrived!” Your entire education has deprived you of this capacity because it was preparing you for the future, instead of showing you how to be alive now.” -Alan Watts
If you find yourself consumed with negative thoughts about the future and you can’t imagine how you’d ever deal with some of those worst case scenarios, just remember, you won’t be the same person then, that you are now.
Because you embraced uncertainty and went through trials and did hard things, you’ll be a whole lot more resilient. A whole lot more capable. A whole lot more powerful.
Also, most of our worries never come true. This study shows that it’s over 90%.
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