The Parable Of The Bricklayer

“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation. From the desperate city you go into the desperate country, and have to console yourself with the bravery of minks and muskrats. A stereotyped but unconscious despair is concealed even under what are called the games and amusements of mankind. There is no play in them, for this comes after work. But it is a characteristic of wisdom not to do desperate things..” -Henry David Thoreau, Civil Disobedience and Other Essays

“Grit depends on a different kind of hope. It rests on the expectation that our own efforts can improve our future. ‘I have a feeling tomorrow will be better’ is different from ‘I resolve to make tomorrow better.” -Angela Duckworth, Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance

Consider the well known parable of the bricklayer…

Three bricklayers are asked: “What are you doing?”

The first says, “I am laying bricks.”

The second says, “I am building a church.”

And the third says, “I am building the house of God.”

The first bricklayer has a job. The second has a career. The third has a calling.

What is your work for you? While we all would love it to be a calling, the truth is for most of us, it’s not. We identify with the first or second bricklayer.

The good news though as Angela Duckworth points out in her excellent book, “Grit: The Power Of Passion and Perseverance”, is that we don’t necessarily have to change jobs to find our calling. We just have to view our work through a different lens. She lays out the research of Yale management professor Amy Wrzesniewski as support for this idea…

Those fortunate people who do see their work as a calling—as opposed to a job or a career—reliably say “my work makes the world a better place.” And it’s these people who seem most satisfied with their jobs and their lives overall. In one study, adults who felt their work was a calling missed at least a third fewer days of work than those with a job or a career.

Likewise, a recent survey of 982 zookeepers—who belong to a profession in which 80 percent of workers have college degrees and yet on average earn a salary of $25,000—found that those who identified their work as a calling (“Working with animals feels like my calling in life”) also expressed a deep sense of purpose (“The work that I do makes the world a better place”). Zookeepers with a calling were also more willing to sacrifice unpaid time, after hours, to care for sick animals. And it was zookeepers with a calling who expressed a sense of moral duty (“I have a moral obligation to give my animals the best possible care”).

Ms. Duckworth goes on to write…

In the parable of the bricklayers, everyone has the same occupation, but their subjective experience—how they themselves viewed their work—couldn’t be more different. Likewise, Amy’s research suggests that callings have little to do with formal job descriptions. In fact, she believes that just about any occupation can be a job, career, or calling. For instance, when she studied secretaries, she initially expected very few to identify their work as a calling. When her data came back, she found that secretaries identified themselves as having a job, career, or calling in equal numbers—just about the same proportion she’d identified in other samples. Amy’s conclusion is that it’s not that some kinds of occupations are necessarily jobs and others are careers and still others are callings. Instead, what matters is whether the person doing the work believes that laying down the next brick is just something that has to be done, or instead something that will lead to further personal success, or, finally, work that connects the individual to something far greater than the self.

I agree. How you see your work is more important than your job title. And this means that you can go from job to career to calling—all without changing your occupation.

“What do you tell people,” I recently asked Amy, “when they ask you for advice?”

“A lot of people assume that what they need to do is find their calling,” she said. “I think a lot of anxiety comes from the assumption that your calling is like a magical entity that exists in the world, waiting to be discovered.”

That’s also how people mistakenly think about interests, I pointed out. They don’t realize they need to play an active role in developing and deepening their interests.

“A calling is not some fully formed thing that you find,” she tells advice seekers. “It’s much more dynamic. Whatever you do—whether you’re a janitor or the CEO—you can continually look at what you do and ask how it connects to other people, how it connects to the bigger picture, how it can be an expression of your deepest values.”

In other words, a bricklayer who one day says, “I am laying bricks” might at some point become the bricklayer who recognizes “I am building the house of God.”

Job, Career or Calling? It can be as simple as how YOU view it. How YOU decide.

Year Of Big Decisions

What am I doing?
What am I doing?
Oh yeah, that’s right, I’m doin’ me, I’m doin’ me
I’m living life right now, man, and this what I’mma do ’til it’s over

Til it’s over
But it’s far from over
-Drake, song “Over”

“If you obsess over whether you are making the right decision, you are basically assuming that the universe will reward you for one thing and punish you for another. The universe has no fixed agenda. Once you make any decision, it works around that decision. There is no right or wrong, only a series of possibilities that shift with each thought, feeling, and action that you experience. If this sounds too mystical, refer again to the body. Every significant vital sign- body temperature, heart rate, oxygen consumption, hormone level, brain activity, and so on- alters the moment you decide to do anything… decisions are signals telling your body, mind, and environment to move in a certain direction.” -Deepak Chopra, The Book of Secrets: Unlocking the Hidden Dimensions of Your Life

“In the space between yes and no, there is a lifetime. It’s the difference between the path you walk and one you leave behind; it’s the gap between who you thought you could be and who you really are; it’s the legroom for the lies you will tell yourself in the future.” -Jodi Picoult, Change of Heart

“Deciding what not to do is as important as deciding what to do.” -Steve Jobs

“Hard decisions are only hard when you’re in the process of making them.” -Debbie Milman

“In most of our decisions, we are not betting against another person. Rather, we are betting against all the future versions of ourselves that we are not choosing.”  -Annie Duke, book Thinking in Bets: Making Smarter Decisions When You Don’t Have All the Facts

“WHAT I’M TELLING YOU IS, IF YOU WANT TO DO THINGS YOUR OWN WAY, YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO MAKE A DECISION – YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO FIND A LITTLE COURAGE.” -Owen Meany’s advice to John Wheelwright in John Irving’s novel, A Prayer for Owen Meany

A popular new years intention is to make it the “year of big things.”

I love the energy behind it and even use the phrase myself, but it’s problematic at its core. The “year of big things” assumes external factors going our way. Things we can’t necessarily control.

Instead, what if we make 2023 the “year of big decisions”?

All those decisions we’ve been putting off or afraid to make…let us decide NOW. and decide OFTEN. Decision-making is a skill. The more we do it, the better we get at it.

Decide what to do. How to spend our time. Where to focus. What to consume. What to add. What to drop. Who we want to be.

Then after deciding, let’s take massive and consistent action.

(Chances are, the big things will follow.)

New Year. New Do. New You.

“The most practical way to change who you are is to change what you do.” -James Clear, book Atomic Habits

The single best hack that enables any habit or resolution to stick is to make them part of your identity. Tweak your thinking from “I’m the type of person who wants this” to “I’m the type of person who is this.” James Clear describes this in detail in Chapter 2 of his excellent book Atomic Habits which I highly, highly recommend. (Also sign up for his free weekly newsletter. Tons of great stuff.)

He writes below…

True behavior change is identity change. You might start a habit because of motivation, but the only reason you’ll stick with one is that it becomes part of your identity. Anyone can convince themselves to visit the gym or eat healthy once or twice, but if you don’t shift the belief behind the behavior, then it is hard to stick with long-term changes. Improvements are only temporary until they become part of who you are.

The goal is not to read a book, the goal is to become a reader. The goal is not to run a marathon, the goal is to become a runner. The goal is not to learn an instrument, the goal is to become a musician.

Okay, so how do you do this?

It’s a two step process.

First, decide what type of person you want to become.

Second, take action. Prove your new identity with small, daily wins.

Writers write.

Bloggers blog.

Readers read.

Athletes train.

Runners run.

Leaders encourage.

Investors decide.

Musicians play.

Who will you be? What will you do? It’s all up to you.

Favorite Albums I Listened To This Year

Per my January meaningful consumption post, I noted all the albums I listened to (in full and at least twice through) in 2022. It was over a hundred–121 to be exact.

The below list represents only those I listened to all the way through for the FIRST time (usually on long walks or late at night through headphones) and if I had a vinyl collection, these would be definite purchases. Speaking of vinyl, my younger son asked Santa for a record player this year and his wish was granted. His first requested album?…Kendrick Lamar’s “Damn.” Kid’s got great taste!

Unlike the favorite films post, I just listed the albums without any commentary. Give ’em a listen and lemme know what you think. Here goes….

(1) Neil Young “Live At Carnegie Hall”

(2) Jackson Browne “Saturate Before Using” (saw him in concert at the Greek in September; awesome show!)

(3) Elliot Smith “Roman Candle”

(4) Thom Yorke “The Eraser”

(5) Yeah Yeah Yeahs “Cool It Down”

(6) Cat Stevens “Mona Bone Jakon”

(7) Plains “I Walked With You A Ways”

(8) Wild Child “Expectations”

(9) Levon Helm “Dirt Farmer”

(10) Billy Corgan “Ogilala”

Honorable Mentions: Hall & Oates “Abandoned Luncheonette”; Wilco “Cruel Country”; Mount Erie “A Crow Looked At Me”; The Smile “A Light For Attracting Attention”; Heatmiser “Mic City Sons”; Jess Williamson “Sorceress”

P.S. – Send me your faves. I wanna listen!

P.P.S. – This is my last post for 2022 and #785 overall. Haven’t missed a weekday since I started this blog on January 1, 2020. Thank you so much for reading and commenting and encouraging. I’m extremely grateful to all of you and am rooting for you big time in 2023. Go make it happen! See you at #1,000.

Help Make Their Dream A Reality

“Anyone can listen. All you have to do is stop talking. But to be a good listener, you have to stop talking and be interested. Genuine curiosity is the precursor to understanding, and a good listener helps the other person feel understood.” -James Clear

If anyone is brave and vulnerable enough to share their big vision or dream with you, please reward them by doing the following:

(1) Listen intently. Lean in. Really listen.

(2) Take a genuine interest. Be super curious. When they’re done sharing, ask great questions.

(3) Offer tons of encouragement.

(4) If appropriate, nudge them with a deadline to take action. (And make a plan to follow up with them to see how they’re doing.)

(5) Repeat steps 1-4 as often as they need.

Love and Work. Work and Love.

“Love and work…work and love, that’s all there is.” –Sigmund Freud

“To love is to will the good of the other.” -Saint Thomas Aquinas

“Yes, we shall live, Uncle Vanya. We shall live through the long procession of days before us, and through the long evenings; we shall patiently bear the trials that fate imposes on us; we shall work for others without rest, both now and when we are old; and when our last hour comes we shall meet it humbly, and there, beyond the grave, we shall say that we have suffered and wept, that our life was bitter, and God will have pity on us. Ah, then dear, dear Uncle, we shall see that bright and beautiful life; we shall rejoice and look back upon our sorrow here; a tender smile—and—we shall rest. I have faith, Uncle, fervent, passionate faith.” -Sonia from the play Uncle Vanya by Anton Chekhov (Annie Baker adaptation)

Love and work go hand in hand.  Taking Aquinas’ beautiful definition quoted above, love is not a feeling. It’s an act.  An act of will. It takes work. Constant work.

And for it to matter, any meaningful work or work of art must always, always stem from love.

A Chance

“Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Enthusiasm and love won’t on their own…get you hired, close the deal, raise the funds, acquire six-pack abs, make the sale, cross the finish line, build the company, manifest your art, etc…

But without either of them, you don’t stand a chance.

Favorite Films I Saw This Year

Staying true to my January meaningful consumption post, I logged all the films I saw in 2022. It was over a hundred. Some were films I wanted to see again. Especially introducing them to one or both of my teenage boys.

The list below represents only those I saw for the FIRST time and really loved. I’ve either watched them multiple times since initial viewing or plan to do so. Without further adieu….

(1) What Happened Was by Tom Noonan…I saw it three times and plan to purchase the blu-ray. It won the Grand Jury Prize at Sundance in the 90’s, but was somehow forgotten for decades until the good folks at Oscilloscope put out a 4K remaster and the Criterion Channel streamed it. It was first an indie hit play in New York and then writer/director Tom Noonan made it into a ultra low budget film. His rehearsal and filmmaking process is truly inspiring. (Hat tip to my friend Kevin for recommending.)

(2) Last Night At The Alamo by Eagle Pennell…I was introduced to it by Richard Linklater and Ethan Hawke who recommended on the Criterion Channel. I saw it twice back to back and fingers crossed there’s a 4K release in the works as I will definitely purchase. Eagle made two incredible low budget films in the late 70’s and early 80’s. This one and The Whole Shootin’ Match (I also saw twice) which are both about characters in his hometown of Austin, Texas. The films feel so authentic and real. In fact, Robert Redford, after watching The Whole Shootin’ Match, created Sundance to shine a light on filmmakers like Eagle and others from all over the globe.

(3) The Bear by Christopher Storer…I know, I know, it’s not a movie. But eight, 30 minute episodes that zip by feel like a longer film. You can definitely binge in one sitting. Sublime acting and writing and a love letter to Chicago and food. Need I say more. Can’t wait for Season 2!

(4) Save The Tiger by John G. Avildsen…How I managed to miss this film starring my favorite actor of all time, Jack Lemmon, who won an Academy Award for Best Actor for this performance is beyond me. So good. Avildsen also made two other films in my pantheon–The Karate Kid and Rocky.

(5) Out Of The Blue by Dennis Hopper…I purchased the blu-ray sight unseen based on the urging of my friend Ron and I’m glad I did. I’ve seen it twice and am working my through all the incredible special features. It’s inspiring to anyone who’s thinking about making an independent film. What Hopper managed to do with the resources and time allotted is miraculous.

(6) High And Low by Akira Kurosawa…Kurosawa and lead actor Toshiro Mifune might be the best director/actor combo of all time. Certainly right up there with Scorcese/Deniro, Lee/Washington and Herzog/Kinski. This one is a masterpiece about a shoe company executive who gets extorted when his chauffeur’s son is mistakenly kidnapped and held for ransom. Moral dilemmas abound!

(7) Licorice Pizza by Paul Thomas Anderson…PTA up to his old magic again. A beautifully shot, coming of age film that’s stayed with me. Kinda makes you wish you grew up in the San Fernando Valley in the early 70’s.

(8) Red Rocket by Sean Baker.…Sean Baker had his breakout with Tangerine and then followed with The Florida Project and now Red Rocket. Baker always elicits fully lived in, authentic performances by his actors and he does so here again. Simon Rex is extraordinary.

(9) Double Indemnity by Billy Wilder…A film noir masterpiece that I somehow never watched until this year. Glad I did and can’t wait to see it again.

(10) Top Gun: Maverick by Joseph Kosinski…I saw it in the theatre with my family and am so glad for the experience. We had an absolute blast. (And I admit to choking back tears of nostalgic joy all throughout.)

Honorable Mentions: The Asphalt Jungle, Jules Et Jim, Ace In The Hole, The Outlaw Josey Wales, Across 110Th Street, The Great Beauty, Blonde, The Alpinist, Jiro Dreams Of Susi, Emily The Criminal, The Banshees Of Insherin

P.S. – Send me your list of favorites of 2022. I wanna watch!

It Could Always Be…

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” -Teddy Roosevelt

When you’re going through hard times, you might be tempted to think “it could always be worse” as a way to feel better.

And it’s true.  It could always be worse.  Much worse.

But I’m not certain that provides enough lift off. And it could lead to guilt and self-flagellation for feeling bad as you compare your situation to others misfortune.

Instead…How about thinking “It could always be better.” Because it could. It could be better. Waaaay better.

For proof, reflect on your own life. You’ll find plenty of examples where it’s been better.  Much better.  Realize this is just a downturn on the flywheel of life. A cold, winter season. Warm spring is right around the corner. This too shall pass.

For further proof, seek out the vast multitude of examples of people who went through hard times, but used the downturn as fuel to make things better. For themselves and others. The obstacle became the way. This should inspire you!

Now you’ve got hope and confidence and a reason to work hard to make things better. Go and do likewise.

Get Better

If you want to get better at anything, you need three things.

One…the awareness, acceptance and humility that you need to get better.

Two…a burning desire to get better.

Three…a plan that involves consistent action, specific measurables and deadlines. This way, you can test your plan and see if you need to tweak or iterate anything.

If you want to speed up the process, surround yourself with people who are better than you at the thing you’re trying to achieve. A personal example…Besides my love of the game, the main reason I got pretty good at hoops was because I skipped grades and as a result I was forced to play with older kids who were much better than me. (Shout out to my ole pal Tony C., and all those late night one on one battles under the flickering sodium light at Surfside Park.)