I do not ask the wounded person how he feels, I myself become the wounded person -Walt Whitman,“Song Of Myself”
“Nothing forces us to know What we do not want to know Except pain” -Aeschylus, The Oresteia: Agamemnon, The Libation Bearers, The Eumenides
“Compassion, love of our brothers, for those who love us and for those who hate us, love of our enemies; yes, that love which God preached on earth and which Princess Marya taught me and I did not understand- that is what made me sorry to part with life, that is what remained for me had I lived. But now it is too late. I know it!” -Prince Andrei in Leo Tolstoy’s War And Peace
“Love is…the fullest source of the answer to the question of the meaning of suffering.” -Pope John Paul II
“If we do not transform our pain, we will most assuredly transmit it.” -Richard Rohr
It’s only when you go through some shit of your own that you can truly understand another’s suffering. If you’re in that place and can help someone through theirs, please do so.
And if you personally are suffering right now, please don’t be afraid to reach out. There are lots and lots of people with “pain and game” standing by to help, love, and support you through it.
P.S. – The painting above is A Hopeless Dawn by the artist Frank Bramley, 1888.
“Storytelling is a tool for knowing who we are and what we want.” – Ursula K. Le Guin
“An artist is a sort of emotional or spiritual historian. His role is to make you realize the doom and glory of knowing who you are and what you are. He has to tell, because nobody else in the world can tell, what it is like to be alive. All I’ve ever wanted to do is tell that, I’m not trying to solve anybody’s problems, not even my own. I’m just trying to outline what the problems are…I want to be stretched, shook up, to overreach myself, and to make you feel that way too.” -James Baldwin
“It is through story that we embrace the great breadth of memory, that we can distinguish what is true, and that we may glimpse, at least occasionally, how to live without despair in the midst of the horror that dogs and unhinges us.” – Barry Lopez
We have infinite stories we can tell.
Our power comes in deciding which ones to tell and how we want to tell them.
Honesty, vulnerability and a sense of humor will never let you down.
And if the story you tell yourself isn’t serving you or others, then choose to tell a different story.
“I love actors. Part of that is my theater background and being a writer who cares about performance. Actors have usually chosen their profession because they have a dream of doing it and they want to express something about the world. That’s the same thing that I have with writing. Most of the good actors get into it for those reasons, rather than for reasons of fame or fortune, or anything like that, and that’s where I’m coming from, as a storyteller.” -Martin McDonagh
Riffing on McDonagh’s great film above and Tim Ferriss’ billboard question (“What would you put on a billboard to get a message out to millions of people?”) he asks every podcast guest, below are three billboards I’d like to see outside my hometown of Los Angeles, California. Really every city across the world.
Billboard #1: Assume Positive Intent.
Billboard #2: Strong Opinions. Weakly Held.
Billboard #3: Go Make Your Art. And Help Someone Make Theirs.
Okay, I lied. One more…
Billboard #4: All You Need Is Love. Love Is All You Need.
P.S. – I’d love to know your billboard message. Share in the comments. Or email me. Thanks!
Dear Reader. I apologize for not writing any posts last week.
After a long battle with cancer, my dad, my hero, my best friend, John Francis Clark, passed away last Sunday night. While he’d been suffering for a long time and I can take some comfort that I was with him and that he’s no longer in pain, I was pole-axed.
I still am.
I had no energy or enthusiasm or desire to write last week, and frankly, I was uncertain I could continue, let alone start up again this week. But a few things compel me forward.
One, I strongly believe in routine and discipline and habit. This structure grounds me, especially in the difficult times. Like prayer and exercise, this blog has become a part of that daily structure.
Two, my dad loved this blog and that I started and maintained it all this time. He loved reading each post and then talking to me about it. Sometimes with a suggestion or note or an idea for a future post, but more often than not, he’d just say “Ooh, I liked that one.” He’d want me to continue writing.
Three, all of you. Nothing makes me happier than knowing a certain post resonated or affected or helped you in some small way. Thank you for reading, for commenting, for encouraging. I take your time very seriously and as such, I will continue to always do my best with this blog. When we’re suffering, one thing that helps is knowing that our suffering, our learning, our personal growth can end up being of service to others.
Finally, I am truly blessed and grateful to have such an incredible family and friends to lean on right now. Thank you to all of you who heard the news and reached out to check in. We’ll be okay. As my dad would say EVERY, SINGLE, TIME I visited or talked to him, “We’ll get through it.” That was his mantra. It’s mine. Let it now be yours too.
You’re here for me.
I’m here for you.
With anything you’re struggling with right now, just know that together, “We’ll get through it.”
P.S. – Below are a couple of childhood pics of me and my superhero…
“When I give a genuine answer to the “if”, then I do something, I am living my own personal life. At moments like that there is no character. Only me.” -Konstantin Stanislavski
As detailed in Isaac Butler’s terrific book “The Method: How the Twentieth Century Learned to Act“, one of the breakthroughs legendary director Konstantin Stanislavski made in his work was the “Magic If.” To get more real and nuanced performances from his actors, Stanislavski advised them to imagine themselves as the character, going through the character’s circumstances. He wanted them to believe “as if” this were happening to them, and then ask themselves what they would do were they in the same situation as the character. That imagining and questioning were the seeds of action.
Similarly, we can do the same in our lives for anything we’re trying to accomplish.
For example, let’s say you’re trying to raise money for a business or project. Once you’ve put a work plan together and figured out what you need to make said project happen, now imagine yourself carrying out the mission.
Act as if you were ready to roll and starting work on day one.
What would you do?
Who would you connect with?
What would your day to day, hour by hour, look like?
By doing this exercise, I’m guessing a bunch of possible action steps come tumbling out of your head.
Pick one or two or three and get cracking.
Yes, there comes a point when you actually need money in the bank and the time to fully devote to your project.
Be still, sad heart! and cease repining; Behind the clouds is the sun still shining; Thy fate is the common fate of all, Into each life some rain must fall -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, poem “The Rainy Day”
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’ -Rudyard Kipling, poem “If”
Despair: (noun) An utter loss of hope
The image above is from the film, The Neverending Story. The hero, Atreyu, after battling “The Nothing” succumbs to despair in “The Swamps Of Sadness.” He loses his faithful horse, Artax. All hope is lost. It’s over. He can’t fight any more.
That’s how it goes sometimes. Maybe for you, it’s right now. You did everything you could. Nothing’s working. No signs of progress. You’re beaten down. Engulfed in sadness. You feel like you can’t go on.
Like Atreyu, you feel like you’re gonna drown.
But then, right at your lowest point, right when you’re going through your dark night of the soul, right when you can’t see five inches in front of your face, let alone any light in the distance, something turns.
For Atreyu, it’s a luck dragon, Falkor. To the rescue. He sweeps up Atreyu and whisks him away.
For us, it’s a combination of blind faith, endurance, and the sheer willingness to hold on. To believe that…
“This too shall pass.”
And when it does, when you get through this darkness and come out on the other side, and you will, please do whatever you can to be that Falkor for someone else. Your encouragement is everything.
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