The Vs. Studio Blog

“We suffer far more in our imagination than in reality.” -Seneca

Yes, I understand
That every life must end
As we sit alone
I know someday we must go

Oh, I’m a lucky man
To count on both hands
The ones I love
Some folks just have one
Yeah, others they got none

Stay with me
Let’s just breathe -song, “Just Breathe” by Pearl Jam

I recently listened to an incredible interview with the writer/director Kevin Smith on “The Movies That Made Me” podcast. Here’s a link. (H/t to Ron for turning me on to this one.). Early on in the interview, Smith mentioned that he “lost his marbles” and was admitted to a mental hospital. His vulnerability in admitting this was quite moving. Smith also offered some very wise and inspiring life advice that he gained in the process. I went back to the episode and transcribed this portion below…

Human beings tend to spend most of their time never in the present, but in two other places–in the past and the future. They relitigate everything they’ve ever done in the past and fret about things they said, injustices they’ve suffered, injustices they’ve visited upon others. And spend so much waking-hours time dwelling on the past relitigating things they can do nothing about. You can’t do anything about the past kids, except learn from it…Stay out of the past, it’s not healthy.

The future is the other place a lot of people like to live. The future is unknown. It’s fraught with peril because we don’t know what it is, and that’s when our most inventive, creative minds come to the fort. I don’t care who you are. If you’re one of those people that’s like, ‘I’m not creative like you.’ Bullshit! Everybody in this audience is a far better writer than me and the best writer’s they’ve ever met when it comes to predicting the failures of their future. Oh, you can be so creative when it comes to making up what might happen! And it’ll stop you from making life choices in the present as you fear about things that haven’t even come to pass. You don’t know the future. There’s no point sweating anxiety about it. If you’re gonna make up a story about how bad things are, and you don’t know what’s really gonna happen, then you might as well make up a story about how everything works out and you’re the hero. It’s just as likely to come to bear. But either way, stay out of the future.

The best place you can be is in the present, man. They call it the present because it’s a gift. Here is where everything is happening. If you want to correct the things that you worry about, the mistakes you made, that’s about living in the present, making sure you don’t do that sort of stuff again. No point in wondering what’s gonna happen. If you are worried about what’s gonna happen in the future, well then build toward it. All the steps you put in motion now are the things that you can step into later on…The best course of action is to set yourself up for success in the future right now. You have to set the table now so that the idiot version of you in the future can just stumble into it, and have it all done for them. It’s a mind trick. It’s basically a life hack about doing it now as opposed to assuming that you’re gonna be better enough to do it in the future. Which you’re not.

So, stay out of the past, stay out of the future, live in the present my friend. And the best place to do that, the best way to do that, is to ground yourself in the present…Breathe. In and out…You cannot breathe in the past and you cannot breathe in the future. You can only breathe in the present.

Well said Silent Bob. Unbelievably well said.

“Facts are important, but facts don’t create learning. Stories do. A story fits into (and changes) our understanding of the world. Good teachers are storytellers, and storytellers are teachers.” -Seth Godin

Facts are fine. But stories are where the gold is.

If you want to teach people or inspire them to take action, tell them a great story. (Bonus points when you can weave facts into the story.)

Speaking of, here’s q quick one for you (h/t to Sahil Bloom’s Curiosity Chronicle):

The villagers had been coming to the local wise man every week, many complaining about the same problems each time.

​One day he told them a joke and everyone roared in laughter. After a couple of minutes, he told them the same joke and only a few of them smiled. When he told the same joke for the third time, no one laughed.

​The wise man smiled and said, “You can’t laugh at the same joke over and over. So why are you always complaining about the same problem?”

“The dude abides. I don’t know about you but I take comfort in that. It’s good knowin’ he’s out there. The Dude. Takin’ er easy for all us sinners.” -The Stranger (played by Sam Elliott) in the film, The Big Lebowski

“Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit.” -John 15:4-5

Do you have the patience to wait
till your mud settles and the water is clear?
Can you remain unmoving
till the right action arises by itself?

The Master doesn’t seek fulfillment.
Not seeking, not expecting,
she is present, and can welcome all things. -Tao Te Ching by Lao-Tzu (Stephen Mitchell translation)

“ESTRAGON: We always find something, eh Didi, to give us the impression we exist?

VLADIMIR: Yes, yes, we’re magicians. But let us persevere in what we have resolved, before we forget.” -Samuel Beckett, Waiting for Godot

Abide (verb)
1 a : to bear patiently : TOLERATE

1 b: to endure without yielding : WITHSTAND

2 : to wait for : AWAIT

3 : to accept without objection

The Dude was right on. Sometimes, the best thing (and the only thing) you can do is to abide. I love this reflection from author Debie Thomas…

We are meant to be tangled up together. We are meant to live lives of profound interdependence, growing into, around, and out of each other. We cause pain and loss when we hold ourselves apart, because the fate of each individual branch affects the vine as a whole. In this metaphor, dependence is not a matter of personal morality or preference; it’s a matter of life and death…We have only one task: to abide. To tarry, to stay, to cling, to remain, to depend, to rely, to persevere, to commit. To hang in there for the long haul. To make ourselves at home…But “abide” is a tricky word. Passive on the one hand, and active on the other. To abide is to stay rooted in place. But it is also to grow and change. It’s a vulnerable-making verb: if we abide, we’ll get pruned. It’s a risky verb: if we abide, we’ll bear fruit that others will see and taste. It’s a humbling verb: if we abide, we’ll have to accept nourishment that is not of our own making. It’s a communal verb; if we abide, we will have to coexist with our fellow branches…The only true life we will live in this world is the life we consent to live in relationship, messy and entangled though it might be. The only fruit worth sharing with the world is the fruit we’ll produce together.     

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” -Epicurus

“Once you begin to take note of the things you are grateful for, you begin to lose sight of the things that you lack.” -Germany Kent

The word “salary” derives from the Latin “salarium” which denoted a Roman soldier’s allowance to buy salt. Salt was extremely valuable in the ancient world. It was actually known as “white gold.” Now, it’s a ubiquitous commodity.

From salt to indoor plumbing to electricity to the internet, the list of modern conveniences is vast and keeps growing. Today, most of us live better and are more comfortable than past kings. Remembering this provides needed perspective. Which leads to gratitude. Which leads to joy.

And when we’re joyful, we can spend our time working for others to get the things they hope for. That’s a pretty good deal.

P.S. – Epicureanism actually gets a bad rap. It’s not about decadence or luxury. Learn more Here.

“In the morning when thou risest unwillingly, let this thought be present,—I am rising to the work of a human being. Why then am I dissatisfied if I am going to do the things for which I exist and for which I was brought into the world? Or have I been made for this, to lie in the bed-clothes and keep myself warm?—But this is more pleasant.—Dost thou exist then to take thy pleasure, and not at all for action or exertion? Dost thou not see the little plants, the little birds, the ants, the spiders, the bees working together to put in order their several parts of the universe? And art thou unwilling to do the work of a human being, and dost thou not make haste to do that which, is according to thy nature?…So thou lovest not thyself, for if thou didst, thou wouldst love thy nature and her will.”-Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

“Constantly think of the universe as a single living being, comprised of a single substance and a single soul; and how all things issue into the single perception of this being, and how it accomplishes all things through a single impulse; and how all things work together to cause all that comes to be, and how intricate and densely woven is the fabric formed by their interweaving.” –Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

“One cannot pursue one’s own highest good without at the same time necessarily promoting the good of others. A life based on narrow self-interest cannot be esteemed by any honorable measurement. Seeking the very best in ourselves means actively caring for the welfare of other human beings. Our human contract is not with the few people with whom our affairs are most immediately intertwined, nor to the prominent, rich, or well educated, but to all our human brethren.” –Epictetus, The Art of Living: The Classical Manual on Virtue, Happiness, and Effectiveness

“We accept the reality of the world with which we’re presented. It’s as simple as that.” -Christof (played by Ed Harris) in the film, The Truman Show

All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances -from Shakespeare’s As You Like It (spoken by Jacques)

You are not the hero of your own, solitary story.

You are but one part of a much larger, connected and infinite story.

Rest assured though, you play a meaningful role in the ensemble of life. Once you figure it out, don’t hesitate. Go forth with speed, boldness and confidence. Work diligently at it, and play the role with all your heart.

The joy you find from doing so will be much bigger and deeper than you could ever imagine.

P.S. – Click Here to watch the full speech delivered by Benedict Cumberbatch. Pretty awesome.

“An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered.” -GK Chesterton

“A painting that looks hideous in one frame might look sublime in another. In art gallery terms, then, an optimist is someone who customarily places life’s paintings into frames that make them look beautiful, and a pessimist is someone who places them into ugly frames.” -William B. Irvine

“If the painter wishes to see beauties that charm him, it lies within his power to create them; and if he wishes to see monstrosities that are frightful, buffoonish, or ridiculous, or pitiable, he can be lord thereof.” -Leonardo da Vinci

“If you are pained by any external thing, it is not this thing that disturbs you, but your own judgment about it. And it is in your power to wipe out this judgment now.” -Marcus Aurelius

“It isn’t the things themselves that disturb people, but the judgements that they form about them.” -Epictetus

“I discovered that when I believed my thoughts I suffered, but when I didn’t believe them I didn’t suffer, and that this is true for every human being. Freedom is as simple as that. I found that suffering is optional. I found a joy within me that has never disappeared, not for a single moment. That joy is in everyone, always. And I invite you not to believe me. I invite you to test it for yourself.” -Byron Katie

Reframing is a powerful technique used in cognitive behavioral therapy. In short, it involves identifying a negative thought pattern, challenging the assertions behind the pattern, and then replacing the negative thought with a more positive and empowering one.

Byron Katie in her book, Loving What Is, provides a four step (or four question) reframing process she calls “The Work.” Take any negative thought and ask yourself these four questions:

1. Is it true?

2. Can I absolutely know with one hundred percent certainty that it’s true?

3. How do I react when I believe the thought?

4. Who would I be without the thought?

After answering the four questions, then give yourself a “turnaround” or reframe. Which is basically a complete opposite of your initial negative thought.

An example: “That person upset me and I can’t stop thinking about it.”

With the turnaround, it now could become: “If I’m upset, the upset is in me – therefore I have the power to remove it. I am not disturbed by events, people or things. I am only disturbed by the views I take of them.”

So the next time you find yourself stuck in a negative thought pattern, try this reframing technique. See if it helps. (And don’t just skip to the turnaround. You actually have to do “the work” to get there.)

Now matter how bad the day is going, you always have a chance to begin again. Awareness is the key. You need to first realize things are going off the skids before you can course correct. A daily meditation practice might be helpful.

Two sports analogies that might also be helpful:

In hockey, at the end of each period, a Zamboni machine comes out and smooths over the ice.

In baseball, during the 7th inning stretch, groundskeepers come out and drag mats across the infield to smooth out the dirt.

Both require a break in the action. And both are somewhat meditative if you allow yourself to just sit and watch.

P.S. – H/t to Seth for inspiring this post.

“What’s worth doing even if I fail?” -Brene Brown

“Nothing that is worth doing can be achieved in our lifetime; therefore we must be saved by hope. Nothing which is true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history; therefore we must be saved by faith. Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore we are saved by love. No virtuous act is quite as virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as it is from our standpoint. Therefore we must be saved by the final form of love which is forgiveness.” -Reinhold Niebuhr

“Although we wish it was otherwise, the struggle for justice is never completed in one lifetime or one rebellion. The shifting of systems, the turning of hearts, the forgiveness of oppressions and the dissipation of anger (righteous or not) takes time. It is not easy to confront injustice. It requires solidarity and the inevitable loss of life. It requires that each generation aver, “we are ready to be free by any peaceful means necessary.” -Dr. Barbara A. Holmes

“And…and you know what, maybe I’m crazy. But when I walk through a forest that I saved, when I hear the sound of wind rustling in young trees, trees that I planted myself, I realize that I have my own little bit of control over the climate. And if after thousands of years one person is happier because of it, well then…I can’t tell you the feeling I get when I plant a birch tree and I see it grow up and sprout leaves, I…I mean, I fill up with pride, I…” -Astrov in Uncle Vanya by Anton Chekhov (Annie Baker adaptation)

“To plant a sapling and then to actually care about what happens to it a thousand years from now…to think that hard about the future of humanity…People like him are rare, and they deserve love.” -Yelena in Uncle Vanya by Anton Chekhov (Annie Baker adaptation)

What’s worth doing even if you never see the fruits of your efforts? That the only ones who will benefit are future generations, a long way off.

Whatever is revealed to you upon asking the question, do that.

P.S. – Correction to yesterday’s Peace, Love and Understanding post. Two loyal readers pointed out that Nick Lowe wrote and recorded the song first. In 1974, with his band, Brinsley Schwarz. Elvis Costello covered the song in 1978, which was actually released as a B-side to Lowe’s solo single “American Squirm.” The cover saw great popularity and was later included on the American version of Costello’s 1979 album “Armed Forces.” (H/t to Mark and Ron.)

As I walk through this wicked world
Searchin’ for light in the darkness of insanity
I ask myself, “Is all hope lost?
Is there only pain and hatred and misery?”

And each time I feel like this inside
There’s one thing I wanna know
What’s so funny ’bout peace, love and understanding? Oh-oh
What’s so funny ’bout peace, love and understanding?

And as I walk on through troubled times
My spirit gets so downhearted sometimes
So where are the strong, and who are the trusted?
And where is the harmony, sweet harmony?

‘Cause each time I feel it slippin’ away, just makes me wanna cry
What’s so funny ’bout peace, love and understanding? Oh-oh
What’s so funny ’bout peace, love and understanding?-song, (What’s So Funny ‘Bout) Peace, Love And Understanding? by Elvis Costello & The Attractions

Elvis asked a great question: “What’s so funny ’bout peace, love and understanding?”

What is so funny about it?

Why can’t we have it?

And don’t accept the status quo or premise “that’s just the way it is.”

All great change and advancement starts with first asking the question, being open to what is revealed and then taking action. Drip by drip. Step by step.

Perhaps someday, peace, love and understanding, won’t be so funny. It’ll just be the way it is.

P.S. – This awesome Nick Lowe cover of Elvis Costello & The Attractions’ masterpiece.

P.P.S. – Speaking of doing the work, these wise words from Patti.

The saga continues
Wu-Tang, Wu-Tang

Olympic torch flaming, we burn so sweet
The thrill of victory, the agony of defeat -song “Triumph” by Wu-Tang Clan

“Whatever anyone does or says, for my part I’m bound to the good. In the same way an emerald or gold or purple might always proclaim: ‘whatever anyone does or says, I must be what I am and show my true colors.” -Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

When your team wins, it feels great for a short while, and then it ends.

When your team loses, it feels awful for a short while, and then it ends.

What never ends is the work. That’s your true north. It’s always there, waiting for you. You can count on it.

What are you passionate about?

What do you care enough to sacrifice for?

What change do you seek to make?

What art do you wish to create?

What actions will you take?

Focus on doing the work. The work, the work, the work.