The Vs. Studio Blog

Speaking of the feeling, one of my favorite questions to ask my fellow actors is “When did you first know you wanted to be an actor?” We even devoted a whole Vs. Tuesday Night discussion to this question. The responses shared were inspiring and rich in detail. Some experienced the feeling first-hand on stage. Some experienced it watching someone else on stage or in film. Consistent among the stories shared, was that once people experienced the feeling, they then decided “this is what I want to do for the rest of my life.”

For me, it was a combination of both watching and doing.

Watching: Chicago storefront theatre at its best. A production of Fool For Love at Stage Left Theatre immediately springs to mind. It left an indelible mark. I can still picture Eddie swinging that giant lasso overhead and the giant shadow it made on the wall. Or hearing the haunting, cackling laugh of the old man rocking in his chair, looking on at the doomed lovers. (Also a PBS broadcast of True West starring Gary Sinise and John Malkovich. I remember thinking and marveling at how much fun they were having. I didn’t know you could do that! It was just like sports!!)

Doing: A scene from Howard Korder’s Boys’ Life in an early acting class. I remember feeling out of body, thinking character thoughts, solely in pursuit of my objective: “To get this girl to fall heed over heels for me”. Or something like that.

I remember hearing the audience laughing throughout. Normally a sign of approval for the actor that the scene is working. That they’re in to it…But for me it was just the opposite. I was actually kinda mad at them out there. I remember thinking, “What are they laughing at? Are they laughing at me? None of this is funny.”

It was all weird.

The scene ended. Amazing response and applause. I hugged my scene partner (her name was Evelyn and she had beautiful, long, strawberry-blonde hair) and I walked back to my seat.

I was shaking all over. Very emotional. Couldn’t control it.

The teacher walked up to the front and said “I don’t do this very often. But I have no notes. That was beautiful work.”

I felt right then and there that this was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. To have this feeling again and again.

And I’ve been chasing it ever since.

Because let me tell you, there is no better feeling in the world.

P.S. – I’d love to know “your feeling”. Please comment or email me if you’re so inclined to share and thank you!

“And he said, ‘Because life’s on the wire. The rest is just waiting.’ I understood immediately why Charlie [Laughton] was telling me this story. It stuck with me for a long time. Life’s on the wire, man. That’s my acting, my life. When I work, I’m on the wire. When I’m going for it. When I’m taking chances. I want to take chances. I want to fly and fail. I want to bang into something when I do it, because it’s how I know I’m alive. It’s what’s kept me alive.” -Al Pacino, Sonny Boy: A Memoir

Al Pacino’s memoir, Sonny Boy is a must read for any actor or artist. There are so many good passages that I’ve practically highlighted the entire book!

One that especially resonated is Pacino describing the feeling he experienced on stage which compelled him to want to act forever…

And then, one night, onstage, just like that, it happened. The power of expression was revealed to me, in a way it never had before. I wasn’t even searching for it. That’s the beauty of these things. You’re not looking for it. I’m opening my mouth and I’m understanding somehow that I can speak. Words are coming out, and they’re the words of Strindberg, but I’m saying them as though they’re mine. The world is mine, and my feelings are mine, and they’re going beyond the South Bronx. I left the familiar. I became a part of something larger. I found that there was more to me, a feeling that I belonged to a whole world and not just to one place. I’m thinking to myself, What is this? It feels as though I’m lifting off the ground. I thought, Yes, this is it. It’s right there and I can reach out and touch it. This is out there, and this is what I know now is possible. All of a sudden, in that moment, I was universal.

I knew I didn’t have a worry after that. I eat, I don’t eat. I make money, I don’t make money. I’m famous, I’m not famous. It didn’t mean anything anymore. And that’s lucky, in this business, when you don’t care about that. A door was opening, not to a career, not to success or fortune, but to the living spirit of energy. I had been given this insight into myself, and there was nothing else I could do but say: I want to do this forever.

Can you relate to this feeling?

And when’s the last time you’ve felt it?

If it’s been a while and you long for it again, then there is a solution. Find a play or piece of material that lights you up inside, and by any means necessary, go make it.

Not only can you have the feeling again, but also your fellow artists, as well as the audience who are lucky enough to experience the feeling in action.

“Have blind faith that if you go in and work every day it will get better. Three days will go by and you will be in that office and you will think every day is terrible. But on the fourth day, if you do go in, if you don’t go into town or out in the garden, something usually will break through…I don’t want to go in there at all. It’s low dread, every morning. That dread goes away after you’ve been in there an hour. I keep saying ‘in there’ as if it’s some kind of chamber, a different atmosphere. It is, in a way. There’s almost a psychic wall. The air changes. I mean you don’t want to go through that door. But once you’re in there, you’re there, and it’s hard to go out.” -Joan Didion

“Some mornings, you try to start the car, and it runs—great…Most times, you start the car, it runs for a half an hour, breaks down, won’t start up for two weeks. You try to start it—[makes sputtering sound of an engine failing to turn over]—nothing. Again, [makes sputtering sound of an engine failing to turn over]—nothing. Records are made like that. You know? I’ve written six songs that I think are record-worthy in six days and then spent an entire year trying to write six more. It’s simply not predictable. You have to get used to withstanding that anxiety, you have to get comfortable with it…I’ve gotten comfortable with that anxiety.” -Bruce Springsteen

“The professional does not wait for inspiration; he acts in anticipation of it.” -Steven Pressfield

No matter how talented or accomplished you are, making art, especially when you’re striving for excellence, is still really, really freakin’ hard. And most days you’re not gonna feel like doing it. That’s the resistance, or as Joan Didion says above, the “low dread”, and it never goes away.

Being a pro means getting in there day after day, no matter what. No matter the resistance. No matter the low dread. Doing the work when it sucks.

Yet trusting all the while, that if you stay at it long enough, eventually it won’t.

“He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.” -Benjamin Franklin

“When we argue for our limitations, we get to keep them.” -Evelyn Waugh

Fact: Someone way worse off than you, with far less resources than you, accomplished something far greater than what you’re trying to do.

The next time you hear about someone doing inspiring work, beware thinking these four words:

“Yeah. I know. But…”

Those four words are a trap. It’s the resistance talking.

Timing, age, condition, money, circumstance, etc…are meaningless. They’re excuses.

Know what you want. Have a strong why. Believe in yourself and the change you seek to make. Communicate your vision. Find the others. Take massive, consistent and iterative action.

You can do it.

Now, go get it done.

My left stroke just went viral
Right stroke put lil’ baby in a spiral
Soprano C, we like to keep it on a high note
It’s levels to it, you and I know

Tell ’em, be humble (hol’ up)
Sit down (hol’ up, hol’ up, lil’, hol’ up)
Be humble (hol’ up) -song “Be Humble” by Kendrick Lamar

Express yourself completely,
then keep quiet.
Be like the forces of nature:
when it blows, there is only wind;
when it rains, there is only rain;
when the clouds pass, the sun shines through. -“Tao Te Ching” by Lao-Tzu (Stephenn Mitchell translation)

The spotted hawk swoops by and accuses me, he complains of my gab and my loitering.

I too am not a bit tamed, I too am untranslatable,
I sound my barbaric yawp over the roofs of the world.

The last scud of day holds back for me,
It flings my likeness after the rest and true as any on the shadow’d wilds,

It coaxes me to the vapor and the dusk.

I depart as air, I shake my white locks at the runaway sun,
I effuse my flesh in eddies, and drift it in lacy jags. -Walt Whitman, “Song Of Myself”

A humble brag is still a brag. 

If you feel the need to brag, well then, just BRAG.  Don’t hide. Don’t hold back.  Don’t half ass it with a “humble brag.”

Go for it. Do it with style. Do it with some flair and panache. Give it all you got. Sound your barbaric YAWP!

P.S. – Bragging is a lot more fun when it’s not about you, but about the art you’ve made and the artists you’ve made it with.

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” -Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search For Meaning

“Humans are creators of meaning, and finding deep meaning in our experiences is not just another name for spirituality but is also the very shape of human happiness.” -Richard Rohr, Falling Upward

“It is not in our control to have everything turn out exactly as we want, but it is in our control to control how we respond to what happens.” -Epictetus

“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” -Alice Walker

For any event that occurs…

Not thinking, “It’s meant to be.” (Or “It’s not meant to be.”)

But rather, “I mean it to be.”

Don’t let fate or fortune rob you of your power to choose. YOU choose what any event means to you. And what actions you take after that event. That’s what having agency is all about.

P.S. – Today is Giving Tuesday and Vs. Theatre Company is a 501(c)(3) non-profit.  So your contribution is fully tax deductible.  If you’re able to and feeling in the generous spirit, you can donate via PayPal Here or Venmo @vstheatre.  Thank you in advance for your financial support.  It truly means a lot.

P.P.S. – “To be or not to be, that is the question.”

“This is the power of art: The power to transcend our own self-interest, our solipsistic zoom-lens on life, and relate to the world and each other with more integrity, more curiosity, more wholeheartedness.” -Maria Popova

“Being an artist means to be continually asking, “How can it be better?” whatever it is. It may be your art, and it may be your life…Each of us has our own way of seeing this world. And this can lead to feelings of isolation. Art has an ability to connect us beyond the limitations of language. Through this, we get to face our inner world outward, remove the boundaries of separation, and participate in the great remembering of what we came into this life knowing: There is no separation. We are one.” -Rick Rubin

“Art has the power to render sorrow beautiful, make loneliness a shared experience, and transform despair into hope…The transformative power of art is in this sharing. Without connection or collective engagement, what we hear is simply a caged song of sorrow and despair; we find no liberation in it. It’s the sharing of art that whispers, ‘You’re not alone.” -Brene Brown

Perhaps the answer to all our division and the cure for our epidemic of loneliness is to just go make some art together.

Check out this inspiring short documentary, “Beyond The Bridge” made by my friend Kim Z. It’s about doing just that and how it transformed a community.

I attended a funeral earlier today. It was a beautiful service for a beloved member of our local community. The eulogies given were powerful and moving, and as eulogies often do, they inspire you to give, love and do more. The below quote by Ernest Hemingway (also shared at the funeral) is a reminder that sometimes the greatest gift you can give another person is to just be there with them.

In our darkest moments, we don’t need solutions or advice. What we yearn for is simply human connection—a quiet presence, a gentle touch. These small gestures are the anchors that hold us steady when life feels like too much.

Please don’t try to fix me. Don’t take on my pain or push away my shadows. Just sit beside me as I work through my own inner storms. Be the steady hand I can reach for as I find my way.

My pain is mine to carry, my battles mine to face. But your presence reminds me I’m not alone in this vast, sometimes frightening world. It’s a quiet reminder that I am worthy of love, even when I feel broken.

So, in those dark hours when I lose my way, will you just be here? Not as a rescuer, but as a companion. Hold my hand until the dawn arrives, helping me remember my strength.

Your silent support is the most precious gift you can give. It’s a love that helps me remember who I am, even when I forget.

Just be there for them. Trust that it’s enough. It’s actually everything.

P.S. – Aim for eulogy virtues over resume virtues.

P.P.S. – “Stay in the game.” (h/t to Sahil Bloom)

“Every circumstance comes with two handles, which one of which you can hold it, while with the other conditions are insupportable.”
― Epictetus, Discourses and Selected Writings

“We can grab onto resentment—or gratitude. We can focus on obstacles—or look closer and see opportunities. Gratitude shifts our perspective and transforms even the harshest realities into tools for growth.” -Ryan Holiday

“Convince yourself that everything is the gift of the gods, that things are good and always will be.” -Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

“I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want…Give thanks in all circumstances.” -Saint Paul

“Nietzsche was the one who did the job for me. At a certain moment in his life, the idea came to him of what he called “the love of your fate.”

Whatever your fate is, whatever the hell happens, you say, “This is what I need.” It may look like a wreck, but go at it as though it were an opportunity, a challenge. If you bring love to that moment — not discouragement — you will find the strength is there. Any disaster you can survive is an improvement in your character, your stature, and your life. What a privilege!

Then, when looking back at your life, you will see that the moments which seemed to be great failures followed by wreckage were the incidents that shaped the life you have now. The crisis throws you back, and when you are required to exhibit strength, it comes.” -Source: Joseph Campbell, Reflections on the Art of Living (edited lightly for clarity; h/t to James Clear)

Gratitude: Thankful for the “good.”

Next level grattitude: Thankful for the “bad.”

Jedi level gratitude: Not labelling things as “good” or “bad.” They just are. Being thankful for all of life. Amor Fati is the key.

Happy Thanksgiving dear reader. Thankful for all of you and your constant encouragement of this blog. Closing in on #1,300!

P.S. – Those aren’t pillows!

“When first approaching these works, we feel as if we are observers. We are watching these people from afar – in moments when they do not seem to realise we are even here – and we are left wondering who they are, or what they might be thinking, or what may have happened to them in the moments before we find them here. But then, the longer we look, the more it all starts to feel strangely personal too. Almost as if these people may be someone we know. Or someone we passed on the street earlier today. Or – certainly when it comes to Hopper’s paintings – perhaps they remind us of ourselves too . . . and those the times when we too may have sat alone in a late night diner, or felt those pangs of loneliness drifting on the air all around us. It is a remarkable experience.” -George Bothamley, “Art Every Day” Substack

A fun writing exercise to do is to go to a museum, journal in hand. Browse through the artwork until you find one that really lights you up. Then just stare at it, let your imagination take over, and write a story about the character(s) in the painting. Don’t edit yourself. Just keep writing until you’re done. (You can also do this online, but it’s way more fun to do it in person.)

Note: Edward Hopper is a great painter for this. His characters evoke so many different feelings when viewed. In his excellent “Art Every Day” Substack, George Bothamley, does a great job breaking down Hopper and Vermeer (another great painter for this exercise).

My friend and phenomenal teacher, Howard Fine, does a variation of this as an acting exercise. In his intro class, he has students go to a museum and find a painting that inspires them. They write their own “Who Am I?” backstory about the character in the painting. (The “Who Am I?” questions are detailed in Howard’s excellent book on the craft, which you can check out Here.) Taking this a step further, you then dress up in class as the painting. You’re asked all types of questions and are to answer “in character.” I loved it! Both doing and observing.

Lastly, in the terrific documentary, “It Takes A Lunatic”, acting teacher and artistic director, Wynn Handman, is shown “interviewing” actors working on scene study. He asks all kinds of questions and they answer “in character.”

All of these exercises have the following in common…They are super fun, artistically inspiring and get you out of your head, and into another person’s skin.

Give one or more a try at some point. And if you do, let me know how it goes!

P.S. – Here was my painting for Howard’s class. It was a while back. 🙂 You can find it at LACMA.