The Vs. Studio Blog

“The most practical way to change who you are is to change what you do.” -James Clear, book Atomic Habits

The single best hack that enables any habit or resolution to stick is to make them part of your identity. Tweak your thinking from “I’m the type of person who wants this” to “I’m the type of person who is this.” James Clear describes this in detail in Chapter 2 of his excellent book Atomic Habits which I highly, highly recommend. (Also sign up for his free weekly newsletter. Tons of great stuff.)

He writes below…

True behavior change is identity change. You might start a habit because of motivation, but the only reason you’ll stick with one is that it becomes part of your identity. Anyone can convince themselves to visit the gym or eat healthy once or twice, but if you don’t shift the belief behind the behavior, then it is hard to stick with long-term changes. Improvements are only temporary until they become part of who you are.

The goal is not to read a book, the goal is to become a reader. The goal is not to run a marathon, the goal is to become a runner. The goal is not to learn an instrument, the goal is to become a musician.

Okay, so how do you do this?

It’s a two step process.

First, decide what type of person you want to become.

Second, take action. Prove your new identity with small, daily wins.

Writers write.

Bloggers blog.

Readers read.

Athletes train.

Runners run.

Leaders encourage.

Investors decide.

Musicians play.

Who will you be? What will you do? It’s all up to you.

Per my January meaningful consumption post, I noted all the albums I listened to (in full and at least twice through) in 2022. It was over a hundred–121 to be exact.

The below list represents only those I listened to all the way through for the FIRST time (usually on long walks or late at night through headphones) and if I had a vinyl collection, these would be definite purchases. Speaking of vinyl, my younger son asked Santa for a record player this year and his wish was granted. His first requested album?…Kendrick Lamar’s “Damn.” Kid’s got great taste!

Unlike the favorite films post, I just listed the albums without any commentary. Give ’em a listen and lemme know what you think. Here goes….

(1) Neil Young “Live At Carnegie Hall”

(2) Jackson Browne “Saturate Before Using” (saw him in concert at the Greek in September; awesome show!)

(3) Elliot Smith “Roman Candle”

(4) Thom Yorke “The Eraser”

(5) Yeah Yeah Yeahs “Cool It Down”

(6) Cat Stevens “Mona Bone Jakon”

(7) Plains “I Walked With You A Ways”

(8) Wild Child “Expectations”

(9) Levon Helm “Dirt Farmer”

(10) Billy Corgan “Ogilala”

Honorable Mentions: Hall & Oates “Abandoned Luncheonette”; Wilco “Cruel Country”; Mount Erie “A Crow Looked At Me”; The Smile “A Light For Attracting Attention”; Heatmiser “Mic City Sons”; Jess Williamson “Sorceress”

P.S. – Send me your faves. I wanna listen!

P.P.S. – This is my last post for 2022 and #785 overall. Haven’t missed a weekday since I started this blog on January 1, 2020. Thank you so much for reading and commenting and encouraging. I’m extremely grateful to all of you and am rooting for you big time in 2023. Go make it happen! See you at #1,000.

“Anyone can listen. All you have to do is stop talking. But to be a good listener, you have to stop talking and be interested. Genuine curiosity is the precursor to understanding, and a good listener helps the other person feel understood.” -James Clear

If anyone is brave and vulnerable enough to share their big vision or dream with you, please reward them by doing the following:

(1) Listen intently. Lean in. Really listen.

(2) Take a genuine interest. Be super curious. When they’re done sharing, ask great questions.

(3) Offer tons of encouragement.

(4) If appropriate, nudge them with a deadline to take action. (And make a plan to follow up with them to see how they’re doing.)

(5) Repeat steps 1-4 as often as they need.

“Love and work…work and love, that’s all there is.” –Sigmund Freud

“To love is to will the good of the other.” -Saint Thomas Aquinas

“Yes, we shall live, Uncle Vanya. We shall live through the long procession of days before us, and through the long evenings; we shall patiently bear the trials that fate imposes on us; we shall work for others without rest, both now and when we are old; and when our last hour comes we shall meet it humbly, and there, beyond the grave, we shall say that we have suffered and wept, that our life was bitter, and God will have pity on us. Ah, then dear, dear Uncle, we shall see that bright and beautiful life; we shall rejoice and look back upon our sorrow here; a tender smile—and—we shall rest. I have faith, Uncle, fervent, passionate faith.” -Sonia from the play Uncle Vanya by Anton Chekhov (Annie Baker adaptation)

Love and work go hand in hand.  Taking Aquinas’ beautiful definition quoted above, love is not a feeling. It’s an act.  An act of will. It takes work. Constant work.

And for it to matter, any meaningful work or work of art must always, always stem from love.

“Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Enthusiasm and love won’t on their own…get you hired, close the deal, raise the funds, acquire six-pack abs, make the sale, cross the finish line, build the company, manifest your art, etc…

But without either of them, you don’t stand a chance.

Staying true to my January meaningful consumption post, I logged all the films I saw in 2022. It was over a hundred. Some were films I wanted to see again. Especially introducing them to one or both of my teenage boys.

The list below represents only those I saw for the FIRST time and really loved. I’ve either watched them multiple times since initial viewing or plan to do so. Without further adieu….

(1) What Happened Was by Tom Noonan…I saw it three times and plan to purchase the blu-ray. It won the Grand Jury Prize at Sundance in the 90’s, but was somehow forgotten for decades until the good folks at Oscilloscope put out a 4K remaster and the Criterion Channel streamed it. It was first an indie hit play in New York and then writer/director Tom Noonan made it into a ultra low budget film. His rehearsal and filmmaking process is truly inspiring. (Hat tip to my friend Kevin for recommending.)

(2) Last Night At The Alamo by Eagle Pennell…I was introduced to it by Richard Linklater and Ethan Hawke who recommended on the Criterion Channel. I saw it twice back to back and fingers crossed there’s a 4K release in the works as I will definitely purchase. Eagle made two incredible low budget films in the late 70’s and early 80’s. This one and The Whole Shootin’ Match (I also saw twice) which are both about characters in his hometown of Austin, Texas. The films feel so authentic and real. In fact, Robert Redford, after watching The Whole Shootin’ Match, created Sundance to shine a light on filmmakers like Eagle and others from all over the globe.

(3) The Bear by Christopher Storer…I know, I know, it’s not a movie. But eight, 30 minute episodes that zip by feel like a longer film. You can definitely binge in one sitting. Sublime acting and writing and a love letter to Chicago and food. Need I say more. Can’t wait for Season 2!

(4) Save The Tiger by John G. Avildsen…How I managed to miss this film starring my favorite actor of all time, Jack Lemmon, who won an Academy Award for Best Actor for this performance is beyond me. So good. Avildsen also made two other films in my pantheon–The Karate Kid and Rocky.

(5) Out Of The Blue by Dennis Hopper…I purchased the blu-ray sight unseen based on the urging of my friend Ron and I’m glad I did. I’ve seen it twice and am working my through all the incredible special features. It’s inspiring to anyone who’s thinking about making an independent film. What Hopper managed to do with the resources and time allotted is miraculous.

(6) High And Low by Akira Kurosawa…Kurosawa and lead actor Toshiro Mifune might be the best director/actor combo of all time. Certainly right up there with Scorcese/Deniro, Lee/Washington and Herzog/Kinski. This one is a masterpiece about a shoe company executive who gets extorted when his chauffeur’s son is mistakenly kidnapped and held for ransom. Moral dilemmas abound!

(7) Licorice Pizza by Paul Thomas Anderson…PTA up to his old magic again. A beautifully shot, coming of age film that’s stayed with me. Kinda makes you wish you grew up in the San Fernando Valley in the early 70’s.

(8) Red Rocket by Sean Baker.…Sean Baker had his breakout with Tangerine and then followed with The Florida Project and now Red Rocket. Baker always elicits fully lived in, authentic performances by his actors and he does so here again. Simon Rex is extraordinary.

(9) Double Indemnity by Billy Wilder…A film noir masterpiece that I somehow never watched until this year. Glad I did and can’t wait to see it again.

(10) Top Gun: Maverick by Joseph Kosinski…I saw it in the theatre with my family and am so glad for the experience. We had an absolute blast. (And I admit to choking back tears of nostalgic joy all throughout.)

Honorable Mentions: The Asphalt Jungle, Jules Et Jim, Ace In The Hole, The Outlaw Josey Wales, Across 110Th Street, The Great Beauty, Blonde, The Alpinist, Jiro Dreams Of Susi, Emily The Criminal, The Banshees Of Insherin

P.S. – Send me your list of favorites of 2022. I wanna watch!

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” -Teddy Roosevelt

When you’re going through hard times, you might be tempted to think “it could always be worse” as a way to feel better.

And it’s true.  It could always be worse.  Much worse.

But I’m not certain that provides enough lift off. And it could lead to guilt and self-flagellation for feeling bad as you compare your situation to others misfortune.

Instead…How about thinking “It could always be better.” Because it could. It could be better. Waaaay better.

For proof, reflect on your own life. You’ll find plenty of examples where it’s been better.  Much better.  Realize this is just a downturn on the flywheel of life. A cold, winter season. Warm spring is right around the corner. This too shall pass.

For further proof, seek out the vast multitude of examples of people who went through hard times, but used the downturn as fuel to make things better. For themselves and others. The obstacle became the way. This should inspire you!

Now you’ve got hope and confidence and a reason to work hard to make things better. Go and do likewise.

If you want to get better at anything, you need three things.

One…the awareness, acceptance and humility that you need to get better.

Two…a burning desire to get better.

Three…a plan that involves consistent action, specific measurables and deadlines. This way, you can test your plan and see if you need to tweak or iterate anything.

If you want to speed up the process, surround yourself with people who are better than you at the thing you’re trying to achieve. A personal example…Besides my love of the game, the main reason I got pretty good at hoops was because I skipped grades and as a result I was forced to play with older kids who were much better than me. (Shout out to my ole pal Tony C., and all those late night one on one battles under the flickering sodium light at Surfside Park.)

And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself in another part of the world
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife
And you may ask yourself, “Well, how did I get here?”

Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again, after the money’s gone
Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground

And you may ask yourself, “How do I work this?”
And you may ask yourself, “Where is that large automobile?”
And you may tell yourself, “This is not my beautiful house”
And you may tell yourself, “This is not my beautiful wife” -Talking Heads, song “Once In A Lifetime”

“I can’t believe this happened.”

“Why did this happen to me?

“How could this have happened to me?”

“This shouldn’t have happened.”

“This isn’t right.”

“This is bullshit.”

“I’m so stupid.”

“They’re so stupid.”

“Life sucks.”

When something “bad” (The Stoics believe that “bad” or “good” are just subjective labels we put on the events in our lives.) and unexpected happens to you, it’s shocking at first. And you may find yourself thinking some or all of the above thoughts. It’s fine and perfectly normal. But none of it’s helpful.

Instead…

Assess (with clarity).

“This happened.”

Then…

Analyze

“What are my options?”

Then…

Decision.

“I’ll take this step forward”

Then…

Action.

Step forward.

Remember, mood follows action. Not the other way around.

Let me sleep on it Baby, baby let me sleep on it Let me sleep on it. I’ll give you my answer in the morning. -Meat Loaf, song “Let Me Sleep On It”

“Above all, do not lose your desire to walk: every day I walk myself into a state of well being and walk away from every illness. I have walked myself into my best thoughts, and I know of no thought so burdensome that one cannot walk away from it.” -Søren Kierkegaard

If you’re struggling with something, agonizing over a decision, wondering how or if you should take a certain action, etc….two recommendations.

First…Get up and get outside and take a long ass walk.

Second…Get a good night’s rest. Sleep on it. But, just before you go to sleep (and presumably you’ll be tired from the long ass walk), ask your subconscious the question. And trust that an answer will come…

…in the morning.