The Vs. Studio Blog

“There is a deep relationship between the inner revolution of prayer and the transformation of social structures and social consciousness. Our hope lies in the fact that meditation is going to change the society that we live in, just as it has changed us.” Richard Rohr

“Perhaps the biggest tragedy of our lives is that freedom is possible, yet we can pass our years trapped in the same old patterns…We may want to love other people without holding back, to feel authentic, to breathe in the beauty around us, to dance and sing. Yet each day we listen to inner voices that keep our life small.”
― Tara Brach, book Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha

Richard Rohr, who I’ve quoted many times in this blog shares an excerpt from Tara Brach’s book, “Radical Acceptance” (she’s a terrific meditation teacher and the book is great as well). Tara shares the following myth about the Buddha and his interactions with the shadow god Mara. The passage is so good, I’ll just let it speak for itself….

You may be familiar with images of the Buddha [Siddhartha] meditating all night long under the Bodhi tree until he experienced full liberation. The shadow god Mara (who represents the universal energies of greed, hatred, and delusion) tried everything he knew to make him fail—sending violent storms, beautiful temptresses, raging demons, and massive armies to distract him. Siddhartha met them all with an awake and compassionate presence, and as the morning star appeared in the sky, he became a Buddha, a fully realized being.

But this was not the end of his relationship with Mara!

In the five decades following his enlightenment, the Buddha traveled throughout northern India teaching all who were interested the path of presence, compassion, and freedom.…

And as the Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh tells the story, Mara sometimes appeared as well…. [The Buddha would] stroll over to Mara and with a firm yet gentle voice say, “I see you, Mara…. Come, let’s have tea.” And the Buddha himself would serve Mara as an honored guest.

This is what’s possible for us. Just imagine that Mara appears in your life as a surge of fear about failure, or hurt about another’s neglect or disrespect. Now, what if your response were to pause and say, “I see you, Mara”—Recognizing. And “Let’s have tea”—Allowing. Instead of avoiding your feelings, instead of lashing out in anger or turning on yourself with self-judgment, you are responding to life with more clarity and graciousness, kindness and ease.

default setting: (noun)

(1) a setting that is automatically given to a software application, computer program or device

(2) the way in which someone normally behaves and reacts

What’s your default state? (Or default setting.)

For many, it’s fear or pessimism.  Some of that’s wiring. As not so long ago (about 10,000 years), being devoured by a sabre-tooth tiger was still a real threat. Fear served us well then.

And the media does a phenomenal job of preying (pun intended) on that primal fear.

But what happens if we choose courage or optimism as our default state?

How would we feel?

How would we treat each other?

How would we respond to another person’s behavior?

How would we view and then react to the external events (of which we have no control) that occur?

What changes would we make?

What could we accomplish?

If pessimism is your default state, try switching to optimism. Do it for a day. Or a week. See what happens. (I promise, no sabre-tooth tigers will get you.)

Wanting to do some good, but not sure where to start?

Here’s something…

Think of a person or organization you care about.

Get out a pen and paper.

Write them a note of gratitude.

Mail your note.

That seemingly small gesture has tremendous impact.

P.S. – While a text or email technically communicates your message, the fact that you took time to handwrite a note, acquire the address, buy a stamp and mail it to them, says everything.

“We need very strong ears to hear ourselves judged frankly, and because there are few who can endure frank criticism without being stung by it, those who venture to criticize us perform a remarkable act of friendship, for to undertake to wound or offend a man for his own good is to have a healthy love for him.” – Michel de Montaigne

“He has a right to criticize, who has a heart to help.” – Abraham Lincoln

“Don’t criticize what you don’t understand, son. You never walked in that man’s shoes.” – Elvis Presley

t’s easy to compliment.  It’s hard to criticize. 

But there are times when the people or organizations we love the most veer off course. They need us. And it’s because we love them, that when they stray, we’re courageous enough to help get them back on track. (Think of a parent and child.)

To criticize properly, first, empathize. Try and walk a mile in their shoes.

Second, see them. Clearly and openly. Understand what THEY’RE going for. Not what you wish they were after…“I see YOU and the project or change you’re trying to make.”

Third, be enthusiastic! Offer encouragement.

Last, be generous with your time…“Let’s together figure out how we can get back on track. How we can make this work the absolute best it can be.”

If you can’t do the above things and aren’t coming from love, then you’re not ready to criticize. Best to wait and remain silent for now.

And if you find yourself on the receiving end of someone’s criticism, no matter what, first assume positive intent. That will help you listen and not immediately get defensive.

“People do not decide to become extraordinary. They decide to accomplish extraordinary things.” -Edmund Hillary

When you aim to do something special or extraordinary, you never have to worry if there’s a market or audience for your work.

Rest assured, there is.

There always will be.

The only way to know if you’re “there yet” is to DO something.

Whatever you’re thinking about (writing that script, starting that business, making that change, etc.)…DO it.

Once it’s done, then you can evaluate its merits. Whether it lived up to the initial idea. See if you need to iterate.

Otherwise, it will all just stay noise in your head.

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” -Lao-Tzu

“All great spirituality teaches about letting go of what you don’t need and who you are not. Then, when you can get little enough and naked enough and poor enough, you’ll find that the little place where you really are is ironically more than enough and is all that you need. At that place, you will have nothing to prove to anybody and nothing to protect.” -Richard Rohr

Let go of “what it should be” or “who you should be” or “where you should be” or any of those thoughts. Those are just stories you tell yourself. They don’t serve you or your art.

When you truly let go, you will discover who you really are. And what the work really wants to be.

Put another way…

You got to drop it to find it. (It was always there.)

You gotta lose yourself to find yourself. (You were always there too. Hiding in plain sight.)

Energy and enthusiasm spur you on to make big plans and dreams. (And maybe a good strong cup of coffee.)

Discipline, devotion, accountability partners and having good systems (and maybe a good strong cup of coffee as well) enable you to follow through on all those plans when energy and enthusiasm are low or nonexistent.

Be more proud of yourself when the day goes to shit and you still manage to get something done towards your dream as you are when everything lines up perfectly and you’re a productivity superstar.

What you do even when forces seem to conspire against, is what ultimately will define you.

the flesh covers the bone 
and they put a mind 
in there and 
sometimes a soul, 
and the women break 
vases against the walls 
and the men drink too 
much 
and nobody finds the 
one 
but keep 
looking 
crawling in and out 
of beds. 
flesh covers 
the bone and the 
flesh searches 
for more than 
flesh. 

there’s no chance 
at all: 
we are all trapped 
by a singular 
fate. 

nobody ever finds 
the one. 

the city dumps fill 
the junkyards fill 
the madhouses fill 
the hospitals fill 
the graveyards fill 

nothing else 
fills.

-poem, “Alone With Everybody” by Charles Bukowski

“In the West there is a loneliness, which I call the leprosy of the West. In many ways, it is worse than our poor in Calcutta…We can cure physical diseases with medicine, but the only cure for loneliness, despair, and hopelessness is love. There are many in the world who are dying for a piece of bread but there are many more dying for a little love.” -Mother Teresa

“Our epidemic of loneliness and isolation has been an underappreciated public health crisis that has harmed individual and societal health. Our relationships are a source of healing and well-being hiding in plain sight – one that can help us live healthier, more fulfilled, and more productive lives. Given the significant health consequences of loneliness and isolation, we must prioritize building social connection the same way we have prioritized other critical public health issues such as tobacco, obesity, and substance use disorders. Together, we can build a country that’s healthier, more resilient, less lonely, and more connected.” -U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy Dept of Health & Human Services Press Release; May 3, 2023

We have an epidemic of loneliness.

Let’s cure it.

How?

Today and every day, let us do whatever we can to help people feel a little less alone.

Reach out to them.

Make that phone call.

Have that coffee.

Schedule that visit. (Or even, just stop by.)

Those seemingly small things go a LONG way.

And for those artists who have something to say and a deep desire to express it, please go make your art.

Because when you do and we experience your art, we’re the better for it. Your art brings us together. Connects us. Fills our hearts. Weaves us together. We realize we’re not alone. Other people think and feel that way too. Aha! Eureka!!