No, you can’t always get what you want You can’t always get what you want You can’t always get what you want But if you try sometime you’ll find You get what you need Rolling Stones, song “You Can’t Always Get What You Want”
“If you realize that you have enough, you are truly rich.” –Tao Te Ching by Lao-Tzu (Stephen Mitchell translation)
“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” ― Epicurus
It’s not that “we can’t get no satisfaction” as The Rolling Stones said.
It’s that we can’t keep that satisfaction.
Why is this?
Well, one main reason is that we always want more. And we think that by having more, we’ll be satisfied. If we could just cross off that last item off our bucket list, then we’ll finally reach some imaginary, nirvanic state of perfect complacency.
For whatever your passion project, the secret to manifesting it isn’t hoping it gets picked by some outside gatekeeper.
The secret is to make it an inevitability. “It’s just happening” must be your mindset at all times.
Then, list all the possible things you can do, ala the workplan, starting now and everyday going forward. Set arbitrary deadlines. Take massive and consistent action. Measure your progress. Iterate if necessary. Demonstrate and celebrate your wins, large and small.
“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.” – Mark Twain
“A [person] who suffers before it is necessary, suffers more than is necessary.” – Seneca
“Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.” – Soren Kierkegaard
“It did what all ads are supposed to do: create an anxiety relievable by purchase.” ― David Foster Wallace, Infinite Jest
“Anxiety’s like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you very far.” ― Jodi Picoult, Sing You Home
“Doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment.” — Oprah Winfrey
Anxiety, a real and growing problem in the United States, is future focused. One is obsessed with asking “What if?” over and over again without taking any action. This leads to a scarcity mindset, an overestimation of one’s troubles (real or imagined) and an underestimation of one’s ability to cope.
Instead, get present focused. Obsess on asking “What is?”
“What is real?”
“What is actually happening right now?”
“What is true?”
“What is beautiful?”
“What is good?”
“What Is?”
“What Is?”
“What Is?”
This leads to gratitude and an abundance mindset. You’ll realize you have all you need and way more power than you think. Which then inspires action, the numero uno antidote to any and all anxiety.
“We have a strategic plan. It’s called doing things.” -Herb Kelleher
“Stagecraft can be learned only onstage, in front of a paying audience. For as in most things it is the blunt trauma of failure that is the necessary spur to knowledge.” – book, Theatre by David Mamet
“The key to happiness is not being rich; it’s doing something arduous and creating something of value and then being able to reflect on the fruits of your labor.” – Arthur C. Brooks
“Don’t do what you can do–try what you can’t do.” – William Faulkner
You can think about doing it.
You can talk about doing it.
You can read and study all the various forms and ways of doing it.
You can watch and study and analyze and critique others who are doing it.
If a country is governed wisely, its inhabitants will be content. They enjoy the labor of their hands and don’t waste time inventing labor-saving machines. Since they dearly love their homes, they aren’t interested in travel. There may be a few wagons and boats, but these don’t go anywhere. There may be an arsenal of weapons, but nobody ever uses them. People enjoy their food, take pleasure in being with their families, spend weekends working in their gardens, delight in the doings of the neighborhood. And even though the next country is so close that people can hear its roosters crowing and its dogs barking, they are content to die of old age without ever having gone to see it. -Verse 80 of the “Tao Te Ching” by Lao-Tzu (Stephen Mitchell translation)
“Are you amazed to find that even with such extensive travel, to so many varied locales, you have not managed to shake off gloom and heaviness from your mind? As if that were a new experience! You must change the mind, not the venue…Socrates said to a person who had the same complaint as you: ‘Why are you surprised that traveling does you no good, when you travel in your own company? The thing that weighs on your mind is the same as drove you from home.’…Do you ask why your flight is of no avail? You take yourself along.” -Seneca, Letters From A Stoic
“Wherever you go, there you are.” -Jon Kabat-Zinn
Amy and I just got back from an incredible, once in a lifetime, everyone should go if they can, bucket list vacation to the Maldives. (Thank you to our great friends Bruce and Lise for inviting us along and for being the best travel companions anyone could ask for.)
It was an incredible, awe-inspiring trip on so many levels. The Maldives might just be the closest thing to heaven on earth. (I look forward to sharing pictures and talking your ear off about it when next I see you.)
Besides relaxing and recharging, two great things things about taking an overseas vacation are:
(1) You gain a greater perspective and understanding of different cultures. The Maldivians are truly remarkable and special people. Some of the kindest folks I’ve ever met.
(2) You acquire an even greater appreciation for your own day to day life back home. One big one for me is this blog. I’m excited to be back at it!
That being said, remember you can’t ever take a vacation from yourself. As Seneca and Lao-Tzu would advise, first ensure that all is well on the homefront. Strive for meaningful work and meaningful community. Take good care of yourself and others. Find joy and gratitude in the everyday…You do these things and you won’t ever need a vacation. Like this trip was for me, it’ll just be a beautiful and wonderful bonus to an already amazing life.
“There’s nothing to feel guilty about for being idle. It’s not reckless. It’s an investment. There is nourishment in pursuits that have no purpose—that is their purpose.” – Ryan Holiday, Stillness Is The Key
“I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful… I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful… I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful…” -Bob Wiley (as played by Bill Murray) in the film, What About Bob?
Dear Reader,
I”ll be on an overseas vacation for a bit. As much as I love the discipline of writing and sharing posts with you each weekday, I think it’s also important to fully lean in and commit to a break sometimes. There’s a discipline in rest. It refreshes the mind and nourishes the soul.
So…no posts from me until Monday, October 9th.
Until then, thank you for reading and commenting and sharing this blog. It means a lot to me and is my continued fuel (closing in on 1,000 posts!). Know that I’m rooting for you and your artistic dreams, big time.
“We don’t rise to the level of our expectations, we fall to the level of our training.” -Archilochus
“Goals can provide direction and even push you forward in the short-term, but eventually a well-designed system will always win. Having a system is what matters. Committing to the process is what makes the difference.” – James Clear
“None of us is an island doing things alone and with no help. I don’t care how much willpower you have, you’re dead in the water without systemic support. It’s like putting a plant in a dark closet and wondering why it’s not growing, even though you’re watering it. Doesn’t matter how “great” the seed is or how high “quality” the water is – that plant needs sunlight.” – Margo Aaron
“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.” – Arthur Ashe
Maybe it’s not an information problem.
Or a discipline or motivation problem.
It’s not a money or resource problem.
Perhaps the reason you’re not making the art you want is you have a systems problem.
Good news, there’s a fix for that. Start with just five minutes a day. Carve out time and space. Drip by drip. Page by page. Step by step. Watch the magic unfurl.
P.S. – Wanna up the ante to ten minutes? Check out the cool work my friend Margo Aaron is doing with her newest project, Brainstorm Road.
“I went into photography because it seemed like the perfect vehicle for commenting on the madness of today’s existence…Sell the public flowers–things that they can hang on their walls without being uptight.” – Robert Mapplethorpe
“He wasn’t certain whether he was a good or bad person. Whether he was altruistic. Whether he was demonic. But he was certain of one thing. He was an artist. And for that he would never apologize.” -Patti Smith on Robert Mapplethorpe, from her memoir Just Kids
“Freedom is…the right to write the wrong words.” -Patti Smith
In their 2018 book, The Coddling of the American Mind, Jonathan Haidt and Greg Lukianoff write about a culture of “safety-ism” that arose in the early 2010s. They called it “safetyism” because it was a collection of morals and values that obsessed over and optimized everything for young people to feel safe and comfortable. This meant parents not letting their children play outside alone. It meant removing upsetting or controversial content from television, the internet, or news media. And yes, it also included trigger warnings.
The aims of safety-ism were noble. They saw that young people were experiencing greater amounts of anxiety, stress, and depression than previous generations and sought to remedy their angst by protecting them from anything that could potentially harm or upset them.
But this is not how the human mind works. The human mind is not fragile—it does not need to be protected and cushioned from the hard surfaces of reality like a vase or piece of fine china. The human mind is antifragile—that is, it gains from discomfort and strain. That means to grow stronger, the human mind needs to regularly be confronted with difficult and upsetting experiences to develop stability and serenity for itself. -Mark Manson
While I understand trigger warnings and believe they come from a good and noble place…isn’t a main purpose of art, especially the theatre, to trigger? To hold a mirror up to ourselves and society? To bring up difficult and sometimes painful emotions? To stimulate important dialogue? To engender greater empathy for the human condition?
Yes, art absolutely can and should entertain. Entertaining and providing an escape has meaningful purpose.
But additionally, I think most people go to the theatre and interact with art at large–even if on a subconscious level–to also be triggered. To have their worldview expanded. To be shaken up a bit.
And if that’s the case, should we also then put trigger warnings on bland art that does nothing? So that people who do want to be triggered know ahead of time that they won’t be.
“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” -Nelson Mandela
Wrath and anger are hateful things, yet the sinner hugs them tight. – Sirach 27:30
“Mankind is born for mutual assistance, anger for mutual ruin: the former loves society, the latter estrangement.” -Seneca, Essay On Anger
“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” – Yoda
“Forgiveness is not an occasional act. It is a permanent attitude.” – Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
“If we really want to love we must learn how to forgive.” – Mother Teresa
“To err is human. To forgive, divine.” -Alexander Pope
Dr. Buddy Rydell (played by Jack Nicholson): Let’s say hello to someone who’s joining our quest to get the anger monkeys off our backs: Dave…
Dave Buznik (played by Adam Sandler): Hi. Good news, I fed my anger monkey a banana this morning and he’s feeling much better. -from the film Anger Management
You can choose to get angry and say or do something you’ll regret.
Or you can choose to forgive.
If you’re not quite ready to do that, good news, there’s an in between step: Use that anger as fuel to make some art.
Then when you’re done (because that fuel runs out quick)…forgive.
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