Asking For What You Want

“We need to ask for help, ask for the sale, ask for introductions, and the list goes on and on, and it’s very possible that the idea of asking my give you some anxiety…It’s easy to see our asks as an inconvenience to someone else, especially if someone asked something of us that felt like an inconvenience, but most of the time the people in our lives are happy to help us and don’t see us as a bother at all. I’d even posit that if you’re worried about being a bother, you’re probably not a bother at all because the people who really bother you never give the idea of bothering you a second thought. So take some time to look at whether or not you’re worrying needlessly and get that ask out the door.” -Michael Roderick

“There are a million reasons why people don’t ask for what they want. It’s uncomfortable, or they don’t want to be seen as a burden, or they’re afraid of rejection. The list goes on. But I think the biggest reason is that asking means you might find information you don’t like…When you make the ask, you risk learning that your imaginary version isn’t real. And most people would rather hold on to a fantasy than test it out to see if it’s true.” -Justin Welsh

“A person’s success in life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have.” -Tim Ferriss

Once you really know what you want and why you want it, chances are that you’re going to need to ask a lot of people for help.

Asking is never easy, but it is necessary. Some tips that might aid your asking:

(1) Be clear and specific with your ask. Know exactly how the person can help you or your cause.

(2) Ask now. Don’t wait. And don’t worry if you haven’t done some certain number of favors for that person person. There’s no magic reciprocity number that you have to hit before you make the ask. Ask now.

(3) Remind yourself that most people want to help. Including you! There’s actually a chemical release of endorphins when we do good things for others. (Interestingly enough, we don’t get that same endorphin release from asking. Which might explain why we don’t ask.)

(4) Detach from the result of your ask. The ask itself is the win. If the person doesn’t get back to you or can’t help, no sweat. Don’t take it personally and don’t hold it against them. Have empathy for people’s time and circumstances.

(5) It’s a numbers game. You’re gonna have to make a lot of asks. (Which might help you with number four.)

(6) If you’re in a position to help someone else, please help them.

Remember, if you don’t ask, you don’t get. The result you’re looking for could be one ask away. How tragic if you’re too afraid to ask for it.

P.S. – This post from Justin Welsh.