“For The Rest Of My Life”

Speaking of the feeling, one of my favorite questions to ask my fellow actors is “When did you first know you wanted to be an actor?” We even devoted a whole Vs. Tuesday Night discussion to this question. The responses shared were inspiring and rich in detail. Some experienced the feeling first-hand on stage. Some experienced it watching someone else on stage or in film. Consistent among the stories shared, was that once people experienced the feeling, they then decided “this is what I want to do for the rest of my life.”

For me, it was a combination of both watching and doing.

Watching: Chicago storefront theatre at its best. A production of Fool For Love at Stage Left Theatre immediately springs to mind. It left an indelible mark. I can still picture Eddie swinging that giant lasso overhead and the giant shadow it made on the wall. Or hearing the haunting, cackling laugh of the old man rocking in his chair, looking on at the doomed lovers. (Also a PBS broadcast of True West starring Gary Sinise and John Malkovich. I remember thinking and marveling at how much fun they were having. I didn’t know you could do that! It was just like sports!!)

Doing: A scene from Howard Korder’s Boys’ Life in an early acting class. I remember feeling out of body, thinking character thoughts, solely in pursuit of my objective: “To get this girl to fall heed over heels for me”. Or something like that.

I remember hearing the audience laughing throughout. Normally a sign of approval for the actor that the scene is working. That they’re in to it…But for me it was just the opposite. I was actually kinda mad at them out there. I remember thinking, “What are they laughing at? Are they laughing at me? None of this is funny.”

It was all weird.

The scene ended. Amazing response and applause. I hugged my scene partner (her name was Evelyn and she had beautiful, long, strawberry-blonde hair) and I walked back to my seat.

I was shaking all over. Very emotional. Couldn’t control it.

The teacher walked up to the front and said “I don’t do this very often. But I have no notes. That was beautiful work.”

I felt right then and there that this was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. To have this feeling again and again.

And I’ve been chasing it ever since.

Because let me tell you, there is no better feeling in the world.

P.S. – I’d love to know “your feeling”. Please comment or email me if you’re so inclined to share and thank you!