Forgiveness Is A Process

“To err is human. To forgive divine.” -Alexander Pope

“Forgiveness is not weak. It takes courage to face and overcome powerful emotions.” -Desmond Tutu

“Let’s be kind to one another. We’re just wicked people living among wicked people. Only one thing can give us peace, and that’s a pact of mutual leniency.” -Seneca

“Among the most powerful of human experiences is to give or to receive forgiveness. I am told that two-thirds of the teaching of Jesus is directly or indirectly about this mystery of forgiveness: God’s breaking of God’s own rules. That’s not surprising, because forgiveness is probably the only human action that reveals three goodnesses simultaneously! When we forgive, we choose the goodness of others over their faults, we experience God’s goodness flowing through ourselves, and we also experience our own goodness in a way that surprises us. That is an awesome coming together of power, both human and divine. Eventually, I believe, we will all forgive one another because we have been forgiven, but let’s do it now and not wait until later. Let’s ask for the grace to let go of those grudges and hurts to which we cling. How else will we ever be free?” -Richard Rohr

“It is hard for us to let go of bitterness that seems to rise up in our throats over time like bile—even after we have said the words of forgiveness to ourselves, and to others. We struggle to forgive the same person over and over again. Our broken hearts crack again and again…. But forgiveness is God’s greatest gift to all of us, setting us free to live as the beloved children of God. Forgiveness, more than any other act, perhaps, makes us like God.” -Megan McKenna

“Forgiveness and grace have much more to offer any culture than we give them credit for. They are rare sightings these days, yet where I have seen them, when I’ve been offered them, I realize that they are not the weak, pitiful emotions of people who don’t value themselves. They are the generous gift of people who know their worth cannot be diminished or compromised. When we offer grace or forgiveness, we refuse the false correlation between our worth and actions. But I’m not speaking about the kind of grace or forgiveness that coddles or panders. We don’t forgive out of our own desperation for another person; we forgive to invite one another back into our highest selves, back into our commitments. There is an acknowledgement that someone has been wronged or hurt, and forgiveness extends the possibility of trying again. I have struggled my way through forgiveness and grace, just as most of us struggle with them because of how often our hearts have been broken and how often we’ve been betrayed. I think it’s important for us to heed the warnings. Maybe eventually we can all learn to forgive far and wide, the way religions have taught. But for me to think of it that way is too tall an order. Maybe now we only need to forgive close in, nearby: the people in our families and our communities, the people we struggle alongside. Rather than denounce mercy, we try it in small doses. From there maybe forgiveness and grace spread and cover us, become more of the air we breathe.” -Prentice Hemphill

True forgiveness is hard. It’s not linear. It doesn’t often feel good (especially in the moment). And it’s a process. One that takes time and constancy of effort. Enter into it with eyes (and hearts) wide open.

But if you’re willing to commit to the process, it can transform lives (yours and theirs). 

And maybe the person you most need to forgive right now is yourself. Go easy on you (and them).