The Vs. Studio Blog

I used to be such a sweet, sweet thing
‘Til they got a hold of me
I opened doors for little old ladies
I helped the blind to see
No more Mr. Nice Guy
No more Mr. Clean
No more Mr. Nice Guy -lyrics from the song “No More Mr. Nice Guy” by Alice CooperI

If you suddenly feel like, “Okay world. No Mr. Mr Nice Guy. I’m gonna get mean and tough and whatever…Because nice guys always finish last…”

Just stop.

First of all, you’re probably not as nice as you think.

Second of all, what you really feel is that you’re too timid or you lack confidence or you’re trying to please everyone.

Okay, change that.

Be bold.

Be confident.

Trust yourself.

Go first.

And stop trying to please people. Because when you try to please others, you end up pleasing no one.

But stay nice. The world needs nice. Now more than ever. (And remember, being truly nice is a sign of confidence and strength. It means you’re comfortable and secure in your own skin that you can help others without caring if it benefits you.)

“It was rare for him, this kind of clarity. But here was a way to evaluate existence. Measure its success by the extent to which you have loved and been loved.”
— A Marriage at Sea: A True Story of Love, Obsession, and Shipwreck by Sophie Elmhirst

“A smile and a handshake are, in the final resolution, a simple act of love…Each night when I retire, I pray that I have made at least one human being a little happier or a little wiser or at least a little more content with himself or herself.” -Og Mandino, The Greatest Salesman In The World, Pt 2

“I ask you to love me with same love with which I love you. But for me you cannot do this, for I love you without being loved…So you cannot give me the kind of love I ask of you. This is why I have put you among your neighbors: so that you can do for them what you cannot do for me–that is, love them without any concern for thanks and without looking for any profit for yourself. And whatever you do for them I will consider done for me.” -God the Father to Saint Catherine of Siena, The Dialogue

If you feel the need to keep score in how you’re doing in this game of life, then keep track of love. Especially how much you have loved others. As that scorecard is within your control.

“When I was young, I thought that nervousness and fear would disappear over time. But I realized that not only does it not disappear, it gets even worse. The only thing that changed is, now I accept it. I know it’s going to be there. I know how to deal with it. Now, with experience, I know I’m gonna be scared when the fight is coming; I know I’m not going to sleep well the week of the fight, but I accept it. [Early on in my career] I would freak out, sleeping only four hours the night before a fight. I put more pressure on myself, because I thought I wouldn’t be able to perform my best because of lack of sleep. But now I know it’s normal. I accept it. It’s a suffering process that I have to go through before a fight. But it’s still as bad as it was; the only difference is that I accept it now.” -former UFC champion Georges St-Pierre

Mastery and age don’t eliminate the nerves.

They just lead to your acceptance of them.

The nerves are a gift. They have energy. They signal that you care. They will always be there.

Use those motherf-ckers..

Focus.

“When we’re daunted at the outset of a change, there is some comfort in knowing that the person who will undergo the full experience will be different from the person we are in this very moment. We will become new people on the other side of change, in ways we are capable of shaping.” -Maya Shankar, book The Other Side Of Change

“The only certainty is that nothing is certain.” -Pliny the Elder

“No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.” -Heraclitus

“We suffer more in imagination than in reality.” -Seneca

“For unless one is able to live fully in the present, the future is a hoax. There is no point whatever in making plans for a future which you will never be able to enjoy. When your plans mature, you will still be living for some other future beyond. You will never, never be able to sit back with full contentment and say, “Now, I’ve arrived!” Your entire education has deprived you of this capacity because it was preparing you for the future, instead of showing you how to be alive now.” -Alan Watts

If you find yourself consumed with negative thoughts about the future and you can’t imagine how you’d ever deal with some of those worst case scenarios, just remember, you won’t be the same person then, that you are now.

Because you embraced uncertainty and went through trials and did hard things, you’ll be a whole lot more resilient. A whole lot more capable. A whole lot more powerful.

Also, most of our worries never come true. This study shows that it’s over 90%.

P.S. – This Sahil Bloom post about “The End Of History Illusion”

“We are story-processing creatures, and the most effective stories are often embodied in people. Living examples of the lesson we’re trying to learn and the posture we hope to model…This is what saints do for us. This is why we put pictures on the wall or invoke the memories of the people who came before us. Reminded of our heroes, we know we can improve. We can work harder for justice, find more compassion and show up as a contribution. We can look at the ordinary moments when someone chose to keep going and realize that choice is available to us as well. There are so many extraordinary people who have come before. It’s on us to choose our heroes wisely and to do the hard work to honor the contributions they made. Even when it’s difficult and unpopular. Especially then.

Today is a fine day to consider who’s on our wall.” -Seth Godin

“When you need encouragement, think of the qualities the people around you have: this one’s energy, that one’s modesty, another’s generosity, and so on. Nothing is as encouraging as when virtues are visibly embodied in the people around us, when we’re practically showered with them. It’s good to keep this in mind.” -Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

“There is something of a civil war going on within all of our lives. There is a recalcitrant South of our soul revolting against the North of our soul. And there is this continual struggle within the very structure of every individual life.” -Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Remember back in high school and/or college?…You probably had posters of some of your heroes on your wall.

Who were on those posters and why did you put them up? (I’m guessing to inspire you.)

Who would be on your wall today?

Our heroes aren’t always perfect. Far from it. But perhaps what made them heroic is they had incredibly high standards. Both for themselves and society at large. And they consistently tried to live up to those standards.

That dream of a better world, that struggle for greatness…it should inspire us to do the same.

“When you drink water from a cup, it becomes part of you. When water falls on you like rain, it evaporates a few minutes later.
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Similarly, thoughts can be consumed or dismissed. Is this thought nourishing? Is this feeling something you should drink? Or is it more like getting caught in the rain?
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You’ll always feel the rain, but you don’t have to drink the rain. You can let the thought pass and in a few moments the sun will return. You don’t have to claim everything you feel.” -James Clear

Buckets of rain
Buckets of tears
Got all them buckets comin’ out of my ears
Buckets of moonbeams in my hand
You got all the love
Honey baby, I can stand -Bob Dylan, song “Buckets Of Rain”

Long as I remember the rain been comin’ down
Clouds of mystery pourin’ confusion on the ground
Good men through the ages tryin’ to find the sun
And I wonder, still I wonder, who’ll stop the rain? -CCR, song “Who’ll Stop The Rain”

Raindrops keep falling on my head
But that doesn’t mean my eyes will soon be turning red
Crying’s not for me
‘Cause I’m never gonna stop the rain by complaining
Because I’m free
Nothing’s worrying me -B.J. Thomas, song “Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head”

Just like you can’t control the rain, you can’t control your thoughts.

But you can control which raindrops and thoughts you want to pay attention to.

P.S. – This scene.

Some people, hoping to avoid responsibility, insist that they don’t have great power. That’s a choice, but it might undermine what we’re capable of…Agency and freedom go together. We have more choices than we want to admit. When Ahab decided to become a whaling captain, everything that happened after that was related to his initial choice.

What do we make? The answer is simple: choices.

Owning our choices is a celebration of our future agency. You don’t get yesterday over again, but you do get to make new choices tomorrow. -Seth Godin

Maybe you didn’t get to choose this circumstance. Or maybe you did.

Either way, the gift is that you get to do something about it.

Yes Spidey, with great power comes great responsibility.

But the inverse is also true, with great responsibility comes great power.

Own your choice. Own your circumstance.

And then go do something about it.

If you really feel the need and urgency to go out and prove something, then instead of trying to prove it to the world or other people, why not just prove it to yourself. That’s all that matters anyway.

“Don’t seek for everything to happen as you wish it would, but rather wish that everything happens as it actually will. Then your life will flow well. -Epictetus

“A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a [person] perfected without trials.” -Seneca

“You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength.” -Marcus Aurelius

(1) Wake up early.

(2) Always be on time. Better yet, always be early.

(3) Stop complaining.

(4) Stop taking things personally.

(5) Focus on effort, not results. Trust the process.

(6) Be strict with yourself and tolerant of others.

(7) Go for long walks. Preferable with a friend and in nature.

(8) Stop comparing yourself to others.

(9) Focus on the essential. Eliminate the rest.

(10) Don’t suffer imagined troubles.

(11) Carpe Diem

(12) Memento Mori.

P.S. – H/t to Ryan Holiday and his Daily Stoic for inspiring several of these.

“Genius is infinite patience.” -Michelangelo

“It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.” -Albert Einstein

“Write, and print if you can; if not, still write, and improve as you go on…Work for twenty years, and then you will some day find that you have a style and place of your own.” -Louisa May Alcott

“Ninety percent of success can be boiled down to consistently doing the obvious thing for an uncommonly long period of time without convincing yourself that you’re smarter than you are.” -Shane Parrish

Once you know what it is you want to do, the challenge is then seeing it through all the way to the end.

How long will that be?

Well, that depends on the medium and what it is you’re shooting for. It takes what it takes.

The talent is in the patience. Don’t give up. See it all the way through. You’ll be so glad you did.