“Another has done me wrong? Let him see to it. He has his own tendencies, and his own affairs. What I have now is what the common nature has willed, and what I endeavor to accomplish now is what my nature wills.” -Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
“If we do not transform our pain, we will most assuredly transmit it.” -Richard Rohr
“Abraham Lincoln occasionally got fuming mad with a subordinate, one of his generals, even a friend. Rather than taking it out on that person directly, he’d write a long letter, outlining his case why they were wrong and what he wanted them to know. Then Lincoln would fold it up, put the letter in the desk drawer, and never send it. Many of these letters survive only by chance.
He knew, as the former emperor of Rome knew, that it’s easy to fight back. It’s tempting to give them a piece of your mind. But you almost always end up with regret. You almost always wish you hadn’t sent the letter. Think of the last time you flew off the handle. What was the outcome? Was there any benefit?” -Ryan Holiday, The Daily Stoic
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom” -Viktor Frankl
It happens every day. You get a text or email or call that deeply upsets or disappoints you.
Two Things NOT to do.
(1) Send an angry email or text right back at them. Now is not the time. You’re too emotional.
(2) Not do anything. You need to channel that emotion somewhere. Otherwise it will eat away at you.
Instead, follow Lincoln. Sit down and write an email draft (or old school pen and paper). Channel your feelings and frustrations into it. Get it all out. But don’t send it. Just save it.
Then come back the next day and reread your email with a good night’s sleep and a fresh pair of eyes. You’ll either revise it (maybe even with some empathy for their position) and send it, or determine there is no need to send it all.
Either way, you didn’t hold on to or transmit that pain. You transformed it.
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