In and Out Of Control

“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own.” -Epictetus, Discourses

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” -Serenity Prayer

“You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength.” -Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

“The following little reminder sums up the three most essential parts of Stoic philosophy worth carrying with you every day, into every decision:

Control your perceptions. Direct your actions properly. Willingly accept what’s outside your control. That’s all we need to do.” –The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday, Stephen Hanselman

So much of Stoicism is about identifying what is in and out of our control. This not only applies to the events of our lives (reactive), but also to the goals we set for ourselves (proactive).

A good practice is after you set your goals or intentions, immediately ask yourself which are within your control and which are out of your control.

Two examples that might help clarify this point:

(1) You set a goal to win an Academy Award for Best Actor.

Awesome. Nothing wrong with big goals and dreams. Go for it! Just realize this one is not in your control. It is dependent on external forces.

(2) You set a goal to become the best actor you can be.

This one is within your control. You can study, train, observe, read, watch, perform, self-produce, etc…Over the course of a year, two, five, ten, a lifetime…you will inevitably get better and better and “become the best actor you can be.”

Again, there is room for both kinds of goals. Just be aware of the difference. (Another way to differentiate is Stretch vs. SMART goals.)

Oh and by the way, as a result of focusing on your in control goal of “becoming the best actor you can be”, you might just get the out of control goal of “winning the Academy Award” thrown in for free.